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Praying for you friend. You’re not going crazy-the world is though. I will not be getting the vax, however my husband got the J&J..so far no issues (ie-blood clots). I gave him all the info on the vax and let him decide for himself..just praying he will be ok. You need to decide for yourself about the vax. Research. For me it came down to it not having FDA approval..it’s implemented as an emergency response. I am not an anti-Vax person (likE for the flu), however there is not one drop of trust in me towards the CDC/WHO/FAUCI/BILL GATES people. Do your research and pray about it. Hang in there- this bumpy ride ain’t over