Months ago, when the whole jab thing started, my mother and father in law were determined to get it, because TV told them so.
I advised them not to, and that they are going to damage themselves, multiple times, I event told them about how I ended paralised for a month as a kid when I received vaccine back then... Nothing... They went and did it. 3 times. So after that I basically told them I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Now my father in law, months later, as expected, got a serious pneumonia, lost ability to walk, or even sit in bed, lost control of his bowel movements, and ability to talk, so we are taking care of him the best we could trying not to loose our minds in the process... Showing up with a smile, trying to make their life easier, paying for bills, paying for medication, paying for diapers, and food, clipping his toe nails, cutting his hair and beard, changing diapers...
So on top of all that, wife and I were "politely asked" last night to respect my brother in law more, since he feels that "a lot is depending on him". Same brother in law who was organising excursions with the rest of the family to go for a group testing, to see what might be wrong with them... The same guy who cannot lift a bed matrace without having 2 people help him, while wife and I are the ones carrying his immobilised father around... Same guys who can buy both wife and me with his salary but is paying way less for their bad decisions, and the first thing he came to us with was "how are we going to divide the expanses"...
So I snapped, and yelled my lungs off. So my brother in laws, hypochondriac ass was insisting on them getting jabbed. They did it and we are stoically dealing with the damage made, because they are our parents. And I am accused that I am not "respecting" him enough by not being knowledgeable in ins and outs of hospitals and doctors and procedures and not getting the ideas "first" about where to drag the patient, next...
I am not proud of myself, my friends. I did not have "I told you so" moment at any point there. But I think that even the neighbors in next building heard about the boundaries that they will never be allowed to fucking cross with me...
The messed up thing is that I feel like a piece of shit, now, for allowing myself to go full dark mode.
Realize that you are setting for yourself a very high standard. By losing control you fell short. We are humans, with faults. Ask for God's forgiveness. Know that He forgives. Tomorrow is another day. You may even want to apologize for losing control, even while keeping your convictions. I have found that such an apology can, though not always, open hearts. Realize how and why you fell short of your expectations, and that's how you learn to become closer to who you want to be. God understands.