Depends on the dirt....you mentioned not wanting to grow cucumbers....but as far as dumb apes go....cucurbits are a safe bet for new farmers.....cucumber, squash, zucchini, cantaloupe. Keep them watered and lightly bury the leaf node. Spray with milk for powdery mildew. Spray with coffee or nicotine for bugs.
Depends on the dirt....you mentioned not wanting to grow cucumbers....but as far as dumb apes go....cucurbits are a safe bet for new farmers.....cucumber, squash, zucchini, cantaloupe. Keep them watered and lightly bury the leaf node. Spray with milk for powdery mildew. Spray with coffee or nicotine for bugs.