for anyone who cares literally at all I have to confess something. I've been struggling massively with addiction for a while now. I'm not exactly comfortable saying what the addiction actually is but I've been trying for months to quit. and every single time I try, I succumb to the temptation. I'm making a mockery of Jesus's sacrifice, and I hate it, and I want nothing more than to be able to overcome my addiction, but I simply don't have the strength. what am I supposed to do? it's really starting to feel hopeless.
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I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. It’s good to recognize a problem and to take Jesus’ sacrifice seriously, and in that way you are ahead of many people.
But, part of taking his gift seriously is remembering that he deemed you worthy of the sacrifice. He believes that you will use your life to grow and become a wonderful addition to God’s kingdom. Your part for now is to figure out what you must learn from this trial to overcome it. One day you will look back on this time and see how far you have come and you will have the prize of both knowledge and success.
For now though, we must assume if “just stop” brute willpower isn’t working yet, you will probably have to invest some time and effort in learning. Becoming a bit more tactical in you effort... This is the part finding professionals is helpful, and I do recommend seeking some out. No reason to risk going without a map when they are available. Don’t let shame stop you from seeking help, because professionals have seen it all before and you are inherently worth helping because you are a child of God.
That said, I suspect you’ll find that you will have to address more than just the specific addiction to deal with it. Maybe you have unresolved pain from the past that you need to address. Perhaps you have an undiagnosed mental or physical health condition (for example: people with ADHD are statistically more prone to all sorts of negative things without treatment, including addiction). Even people, locations, situations could be a factor that makes it harder. Lots of things can be a part of the nasty feedback loops that make a difficult thing like your situation harder, but by identifying the other parts of the loop you will help avoid taxing your willpower as much.