posted ago by kekistani_prince ago by kekistani_prince +109 / -1
When I was growing up I got spanked by my parents and whenever it happened I almost always did something to deserve it and I knew it. My cousins got the same, and my siblings.
My grandma is Indian from Trinidad and Tobago, she had the scarriest punishment and you knew to listen to grandma and behave:
- normally she'd give you a light knock on the crown of the head, it was like the worse ever because nothing is injured and she hardly touched you and it hurt so bad
- "The heat for the seat" was a large wooden decorative spoon the size of a plate, she broke it on my cousin when he wouldn't stop beating me up
We laugh about it now, he knew he deserved it and it was funny in hindsight that it broke after correcting 2 generations of familly members.
Growing up I could always tell the kids that were never spanked from the ones that were. The kids who were never spanked all had these traits:
- complete lack of fear of authority
- complete disrespect for adult
- bullying of others, including crybullying
- lack of respect for the law
- propensity to cheat
- no respect for other people property
- a willigness to commit petty theft for fun
I think that the modern ideals are wrong. I believe in the old wisdom of our forefathers.
Grandma was right to hit us.
From parents yes, anyone else fuck no.
Touch my kids I'll be touching you.
There are other ways authority figures can teach discipline and respect.
I know that if I spank my kid
-how hard I'm doing it
-for what reason
My personal morales likely differ from others, so I can not trust others to do it for the reasons or using the same method I might choose to and how hard someone might spank.
For example, I would ONLY resort to spanking of my kids risked serious injury or death due to something they did.
Ie: run in front of a car.
Most other situations can be handled non violently, and differently depending on age.
Young kids, time out followed by a talk to explain why what they did was wrong, then teach them how to apologize when they do something wrong
Teens, take away privileges
Problem is these days with kids is that their parents didn't lead by example.
When parents are disrespectful, rude, etc, kids grow up mirroring that.
Their into the mix giving kids cell phones, public schools, pharma chemicals and you've got a recipe for disaster.
I think if parents don't discipline their children, then the schools should be allowed to discipline them. (Non woke schools, obv.)
*by 'them', I mean the parents.
No such think as non woke schools. United it's private.
And again, discipline yes, physically no
I wasn't suggesting that schools dish out corporal punishment, that's a big no from me.
Parent's should have ultimate authority over their kids in every aspect, except when it crosses the line into criminal abuse. I would not consider reasonable corporal punishment as such, even as certain countries today do.
If a parent sends their kid to a school they trust (not a public one) and the school makes it clear this is what we do at the school when kids misbehave (nothing excessive) and the parents agree, then it is their right to delegate the disciple.
Corporal punishment is normally not ideal, and the perfect parents would be able to avoid and still get the desired result. However, we are not perfect people and no one is a perfect parent. If you reach the situation where you no longer think you have any options and the choice is between reasonable corporal punishment or raising a dysfunctional child, you have to do what you have to do. I know people who remember when they did something really bad and their parents lost it on them. Since they are functional adults today, they don't hold it against them and think they deserved it. A perpetual victim would probably disagree, but you do not want to raise someone like that.
In a more middle ground approach, corporal punishment can be used as a deterrent. Something that is only a threat but hopefully never needs to be used. That can work well enough sometimes.
if parents do THEIR jobs correctly - there should be no need for anyone else to punish the kids! My girls KNEW that if they misbehaved in school and this bear momma had to show up for ANY reason not related to education - there would be heck to pay! And now, my grandbabies KNOW that granny loves them very much but will NOT tolerate any disrespect or bad actions. My oldest and her hubby chose not to spank or deal with disrespect and the kids act out all the time. When granny is alone with them, it's like night and day on how they act. God bless all!
I agree. Ideally, corporal punishment shouldn't be necessary at all. However, not all parents are perfect. Sometimes they may see reasonable corporal punishment as the only option. While not ideal, it is better than not addressing the behaviour at all.
However, the prevailing culture these days is parents to not discipline their kids at all in any way. In fact, the philosophy is that everything that comes naturally to a child is inherently good and should be nurtured, not supressed. By that same logic, you should never potty train your child. That sounds insane, but many people think they can make an exception for potty training but otherwise give the children a free pass on everything else. However, the end result is a seriously dysfunctional adult who has no impulse control and can barely function in society. This is the kind of philosophy that results in these same parents arguing with a teacher when their child misbehaves in school, instead of addressing the child's behaviour. It leads nowhere good. I would argue, based on observation, that most children are under-discipled these days, not over-disciplined.
Spoiled children typically become spoiled adults. The lack of discipline has destroyed several generations of children and this has resulted in an accelerated decline of western culture. There is a fine line between abuse and corporal punishment, but the trick was to make everyone think that ANY corporal punishment was abuse. This is the great trick of manipulating language and terminology to enact deceptive change. If you spare the rod, you spoil the child isn't just an old saying, it was wisdom.
I saw a talk show a long time ago asking 'how do you tell a spanking from a beating?'.
My opinion: if you don't know the difference between the two, you should not hit your child.
when my kids - 3 boys - were small, a swat was usually in reaction to them doing something dangerous - outlets, stove, street. so a grab of the arm, swat on the butt with a loud NO sent a strong message. that worked sufficiently to toddler age, after which the punishment for wrongdoing was standing in the corner, no tv, no toys, no dessert. Any sass was greeted by a grab of the earlobe and physically brought to the corner. Punishment was handed out immediately - none of the 'wait till your father gets home' crap, making kids afraid of Dad.
Once they learned to obey when small, the necessity to physically punish was rare. It worked on all three boys, age difference of 8 years - now men....and they all admit that they deserved the punishments they received. The running joke is that their ear lobes are longer than anyone else's.
Great points- consistent and immediate from young.
I agree with consistent, bcz the kids will learn that you mean what you say. I was pregnant all their lives and no matter how big I was, they knew I would get up if they didn't mind. It got to where they didn't wanna make me get up so they minded pretty well. Also tried not to discipline in anger. Just "doing my job" attitude.
EXACTLY!! And AMEN! :)
Anything that has its foundation in the Bible will be challenged. Spanking disobedient children is commanded, therefore the Anti-God crowd is opposed to it. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Exactly. In fact, God said to stone the willful, habitually disobedient "child" which I assume would be a teen. God views rebellion very strongly
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
So I basically trusted in Biblical discipline... "Spare the rod, spoil the child".
I had 5 children in the 80's and they knew the parameters of what was expected of them. I home schooled and we would all go grocery shopping, out to eat or wherever we needed to go and they were respectful and well behaved. We spent a great deal of time in church also and I never hesitated to go anywhere with them. People were always glad to have my children over.
I used a wooden spoon as my rod of discipline and while I think it was beneficial...none of my children spank their kids. My only regret is that I probably spanked in anger at times and that is wrong. So yes, I believe in corporal punishment but you have to spend time establishing the rules and then spend the time to explain what they did wrong and what the punishment would be and then how to correct the behavior. I think I could not have survived having 5 children if they behaved like most kids I see today...
I will add that as they got older most chose the path of rebellion against God and their parents many times...but you always hope you have given them a good foundation.
Kept me in-line and I turned out OK. My kids have actually thanked me because if I had not intervened, they said they did not know where they would be today.
Would you trust it to be divied out evenly with this corrupt system? Only one race of people would be punished or framed.
Discipline begins at home, If a kid are bad at home, at the grocery store, at the park, it tells you a lot about the parenting or non parenting. Schools should be allowed to send a problem child home until they can act accordingly. Once the parent gets the idea that nobody else is going to take care of their little angel until they can act like a human and not an animal, they might give them a lesson in manners. Once a child gets in school, by the time a kid gets to the 6th grade, you know if they are college material. Very few are. The ones that are college level move on and the others go to trade schools. Jus me thinking!
The modern view is that spanking is violence. But in truth, spanking is a lesson to teach the consequences of pain. If a child never learns those lessons… they will grow up lacking wisdom. Pain and pleasure are the two main drivers of human decisions/actions. Without lessons in pain, their actions appear careless because they are. They never learned their lesson.
I was also spanked, though rarely, as a child. I spanked my own children, usually as a last resort or when they deliberately got on my last damn nerve. Again, a rare event. I spanked. I didn't beat them, but they knew they were being corrected for bad behavior and therefore it didn't happen often. They all turned out to be fine adults, they know what's right and act accordingly. I'd be in jail now no doubt for how they were disciplined.
In moderation, and when used to teach a specific lesson.
Too many people go overboard and just 'punish' - which is basically child abuse.
I once read that human's are hard-wired to learn fastest from physical pain - for obvious reasons, but be careful what lesson you are teaching!
My brother's kids weren't spanked and they aren't as you describe.
I was beaten on a regular basis by my Dad until I started fighting back at age 13. Anything I did wrong, in his eyes, was met with some form of violence, backhands, slaps, kicks, the belt and any combination of those. Did I deserve some form of punishment for some of the things I did? Sometimes, sure, but, not to that level or frequency. It made me an angry child who didn't give a shit about much. I had a bad attitude, got into lots of fights and my schooling suffered badly. I had lots to reconcile as I grew into an adult. One thing that I vowed to do differently than my Dad was how I raised my children. I didn't want them to grow up with the emotional scars that I still carry.
Purely by chance, I came up with a system. If I caught them doing something they shouldn't be doing I would start counting to 3, very loudly. If I made it to 3, I would stomp over to where they were and put a stop to whatever they were up to. No violence, just shock and awe. If I had to do that 3 times in a day, they got a spanking, 3 swats on the bum, open hand and not very hard. They were little so, they had diapers or training pants on, a bit of padding. The spanking wasn't about imposing physical pain, it was an escalation of shock and awe. Then, they were sent to thier room to cry it off. When I heard no more crying I went to see if they were over it and if we could talk. If they were still upset I would close the door and wait until they were calm enough to reason with, as much as you can reason with a small child. I did my best to explain why they can't be doing those things and that I don't like punishing them. After our talk I always gave them a big hug and told them I loved them.
My youngest, the one that tested me the most, is 29 now and a well adjusted adult. So is his older brother. I didn't have to spank either one after age 4. Usually, a very loud,"ONE!!!!" would do the trick by then. So, yes, I believe in corporal punishment but, only as a last resort and within reason. An early start on discipline and consistency are the keys. Follow through with threats of discipline. But, always be kind and loving afterwards.
Sorry for the long post. My Dad died 2 months ago, my Mom 2 years ago and recently we have been cleaning out their house. A couple of days ago I found many of my old report cards my Mom had saved. They told a story, one I'm partly sharing now. Between that and this thread, it's hitting a nerve that I suppressed for a while.
Shouldn’t ever hit kids in the head
Shouldn't hit any one in the head. Nevermind kids.
We used to play pink belly, red-ass, blue balls, and give each other indian burns for fun. A pink but isn't so bad.
Like I'm telling you I was hit with a spoon and spanked and I'm okay with it and wouldn't have it any other way because it worked and I deserved it.
I know that people pretend that happiness isn't a choice.
But in the military, where bad morale gets people killed, you can get whipped for bad morale.
Suddenly everyone chooses to be in a good mood.
Yes, we had a rule that nobody's allowed to be in a "bad mood". If you are, keep it to yourself. Christians have the joy joy joy down in their heart. The kids had a cousin who was always in a mood. She controlled everyone by sulking and making them wait for her to rejoin or quit games. So they had a good bad example.
That is way I support public floggings and executions.
Amen! Solomon has lots to say about corporal punishment in Proverbs.
My adult son is respectful, worships God in church, hard working, obedient, and an all round great person to be with. I never once spanked him. I used alternative forms of discipline to keep him in line.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4
My God has never used his rod to beat me. He's guided me and comforted me. And that's the way I raised my son. I guided him and comforted him. I would use a stern "NO", and make him face the penalties of his decisions. But I never once hit him. Discipline is so much more than spanking.
You can spank a kid, it doesn't mean you've disciplined or guided him.
What's wrong with ignoring authority and disregard for the laws of man?
We need more of that.
No. It's very counterproductive.
I don't like it. But I cannot deny it's effective.
If I ever have kids and I have to do this, I'm going to HATE it.
But it works. Against my heart and soul, it works.
Our eldest, when very young, was spanked a few times until we disovered the "time out" method. After that, none of them was spanked.
Our kids are now responsible adults. They don't smoke and drink only in moderation. They don't do drugs. They each earn a good living and have a family.
So in my opinion, corporal punishment is unnecessary. Obviously other children could be satan's spawn and require frequent beatings. I can't speak for them.
Mom hung a 2' wooden paddle in the kitchen like it was for making butter. She even got Susie Homemaker with it and painted it blue & stenciled a duck on it.... you know for that farmers flair.
As a kid I was scared of it, but as I became a teen, I would laugh and take the swings or grab it out of her hand.
...Yeah, if she's using that on you as a teen she's going overboard...that sounds more like beating or abuse...
My mom stopped spanking me when I laughed at her the one time and told her it didn't hurt and I was too big for her now.
Then she started giving me lecture and guilt trips, she would talk at me for 30 minutes to an hour at a go and it was basically torture.
She did it to one of my friends once when he was supposed to stay at our place. He didn't show up till 9:30 at night and he was curled up on the bed holding his stomach like someone was kicking it.
Told me it was the worse thing he ever experienced in his life. He was used to being yelled at and belittled, he wasn't used to being punished through my mom contrasting his behaviour with the ideals she knew he had for himself deep down inside.
I can attest, it's the worse feeling in the world.
Those were words. Made me wish for the spanks.
A grandma's corporal punishment is not the same as a father's corporal punishment, both physically and emotionally/psychologically.
I think corporal punishment is appropriate. But the problems that can come with it arise when parents don't rebuild their children after breaking them down. I wholeheartedly believe the family should break the individual down before Society does but also build them back up. Without that build up strength from your family, it's all harder to deal with.
I don't like the term "'corporal punishment." Too formal. I like "spanking", because it has an expiration date of about five. At about that age, kids are too big to be spanked, and parents should move on to consequences as the pain they need to be dishing out. Consequences can be anything that the child won't like, such as more work or chores, or forgoing an event or fun activity. Consequences can continue up to college age, IMHO.
Hit the nail on the head with those spoiled brat traits list. I was shopping the other day with my mom and we went to the toy section to pick out some nice toys for a little raffle her work is doing. As soon as we entered that area of the store I could hear a young child crying and wailing like crazy. Not a baby, not even a toddler (I can forgive the really little kids for crying when they're uncomfortable, hungry, or tired) but a little boy of about 5 who just kept wailing and wailing, clearly throwing a tantrum that he wanted some toy.
No father in sight (of course), only the mother and her little daughter of about 7. I never once heard the mom give one word of reproach to her son, even to shush him. The boy just kept blaring and crying about a toy he wanted and I never even heard the mother speak up. The little girl was well behaved but that little boy clearly was not taken proper care of. All the mother eventually did was pick him up to carry him (instead of putting him in the cart) and they slowly walked away after letting him wail for over 10 minutes in the toy department.
If that had been me as a kid my mother, and definitely my father, would have dragged me off after less than 15 seconds of crying to another part of the store to cool me off, reprimand me, or just leave the store entirely. This mother, however, somehow thought that ignoring her child was the best way to get him to stop. Clearly it wasn't working because he was still screaming loud and strong after more than 10 minutes. I understand that a child will throw a tantrum to get attention sometimes so ignoring their outbursts is often the right course of action, but clearly this boy was screaming because he wanted a toy, not attention.
Schoolteachers used to hand out beatings when I was a kid, although they are not allowed ot do it any more. Problem was they hit children in the most convenient place which for a typical-sized adult is head-height for a child. Young children have thin skulls and there were a few "accidents" which forced them to stop.
If you like spankings then maybe you would like Indonesia. The largest Muslim population in the world and they regularly have public whippings.
Spanking is not physical abuse. I was very rarely spanked by my parents, but the nuns in my school were actually physically abusive. Yard sticks, thrown books, rulers, actual paddles. That was abuse, and public humiliation. My parents were not abusive.
It's about your personal ability to project your will onto others. This happens all throughout your life and is not just about controlling children. If physical violence is your first stop in any confrontation then you are in for a lot of trouble in life and I predict fights in bars for your future.
When I was a teen I was with a girl whose dad used to spank her, as in over the knee for a spanking session. She had somehow come to enjoy this and demanded I do it to her and she really got off on it.
Not sure what all that was about but I found it a little bit over the edge of creepy.
discipline != violence
beatings do though