(long story, removed it). So, here we are. I need to be baptized.

When I was six or seven, maybe younger, I was in bible study. It was probably Easter or something, the only time we went to church. I remember listening to the story of Jesus which I really didn't know at all, though most of the other children did. I was a cynical child and I'm a cynical man. So, I asked who Jesus was that we were talking about and why he was important. I didn't speak until I was 5 years old so I was probably not very clear with what I was asking. All the children laughed at me. I didn't know the word at the time but as a child I felt the mockery. It really stuck with me. My older sister delved more and was baptized, I merely kept saying I didn't want to go to church and that was allowed. It was mockery I was avoiding. Fast forward to 13 years old. On my middle school there was an advanced science class that I was not in but some friends were. Well, my middle school made national news when that teacher was teaching evolution in that advanced class. Of course, I had not the slightest clue what evolution was so I asked a friend in that class. She must have been from a religious family as she was scoffing at the teacher as she explained it to me. Well, I listened and thought about it and said, yeah, evolutions sounds correct to me. Input about 5 minutes of thought to it and quickly didn't think about god or evolution until high school. In high school I heard some girls I worked with say, "yeah, her dad's an athiest". They were shocked and disgusted at this. I didn't clearly understood what that meant but was aware it meant not believing in god. I started paying attention and probably within a year or so started declaring myself athiest. At least to myself anyway, I could tell they were disliked. Fast forward 25 years. Still an atheist, wife is as well. I've had all the discussions and arguments. My cousin is a preacher, we've talked I've many times. So, my son is autistic. We moved to a small town and had trouble finding care for him after school, eventually using the after school program which my son hated and they really couldn't handle him. He has an aide at school. One night my wife said she was thinking about asking her if she could watch the kid everyday (she has offered to babysit). My wife didn't call her but the next night the aide called and said, "I really hope you don't think I'm weird but I want to watch your son after school, he hates the after school care and I love him. I'll do it for free". We were a bit creeped out but agreed to go have dinner with her and her husband. We ended doing it for a lot of reasons. So, they are both Christians and quite devout, I think, they only spoke on religion a bit but they certainly believe in the power of prayer and fasting. So, to backtrack a few years, my mom died unexpectedly in her late 50s. A weird death. My mom was a very caring person, many who knew spoke of her kindness and generosity. Seriously, she changed people's lives trying to help them. So, back to present day (about a year ago), the aide who is watching my son looks like my mom. Seriously, uncanny in the eyes. She has the same spirit my mom did (fuck, I just started crying). So, I think about that for about 6 months and I can't get past it. This woman has helped us do much, you have no idea. We pay her but she said we don't have to (we're fine financially). So, Christmas morning I'm awake by myself and ran out of things to read. I had downloaded a Bible app on my phone a few weeks back, I didn't remember why. I think a post here maybe and I was trying to look something up, I dunno. So I start reading the new testament. I couldn't stop, by the time everyone woke up I was finishing Mark. Around that time I, for the first time ever, found myself praying. I've been having a hard time lately (confidence with myself) and just started praying. I was kinda dumbfounded I had done so. The next week I started connecting dots and noticing things. Weird stuff that I find hard to put in words but nonetheless. One has to do with where I lived, moved here two years ago. There's something near me that has the same name in the Bible and the tiny bit on it and the lesson there was directly related to me. There's a bunch more here that I can't say but I led me to walk to a certain place near my home where I got on my knees and prayed. Here I am a week later. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Said here now for the first time to another human. The other night my wife and I were talking about Q stuff. She said she has been thinking maybe there is a God, she can't explain away the evil in the world. I had said nothing to her, she didn't know I had been reading the Bible and of my thoughts. I told her I don't know either (big deal on that coming from me) and we haven't spoke of it since. So, here we are. I need to be baptized.

When I was six or seven, maybe younger, I was in bible study. It was probably Easter or something, the only time we went to church. I remember listening to the story of Jesus which I really didn't know at all, though most of the other children did. I was a cynical child and I'm a cynical man.

So, I asked who Jesus was that we were talking about and why he was important. I didn't speak until I was 5 years old so I was probably not very clear with what I was asking. All the children laughed at me. I didn't know the word at the time but as a child I felt the mockery.

It really stuck with me.

My older sister delved more and was baptized, I merely kept saying I didn't want to go to church and that was allowed. It was mockery I was avoiding.

Fast forward to 13 years old. On my middle school there was an advanced science class that I was not in but some friends were. Well, my middle school made national news when that teacher was teaching evolution in that advanced class. Of course, I had not the slightest clue what evolution was so I asked a friend in that class. She must have been from a religious family as she was scoffing at the teacher as she explained it to me.

Well, I listened and thought about it and said, yeah, evolutions sounds correct to me. Input about 5 minutes of thought to it and quickly didn't think about god or evolution until high school.

In high school I heard some girls I worked with say, "yeah, her dad's an athiest". They were shocked and disgusted at this. I didn't clearly understood what that meant but was aware it meant not believing in god. I started paying attention and probably within a year or so started declaring myself athiest. At least to myself anyway, I could tell they were disliked.

Fast forward 25 years.

Still an atheist, wife is as well. I've had all the discussions and arguments. My cousin is a preacher, we've talked I've many times.

So, my son is autistic. We moved to a small town and had trouble finding care for him after school, eventually using the after school program which my son hated and they really couldn't handle him. He has an aide at school. One night my wife said she was thinking about asking her if she could watch Josh everyday (she has offered to babysit). My wife didn't call her but the next night the aide called and said, "I really hope you don't think I'm weird but I want to watch your son after school, he hates the after school care and I love him. I'll do it for free".

We were a bit creeped out but agreed to go have dinner with her and her husband. We ended doing it for a lot of reasons.

So, they are both Christians and quite devout, I think, they only spoke on religion a bit but they certainly believe in the power of prayer and fasting.

So, to backtrack a few years, my mom died unexpectedly in her late 50s. A weird death. My mom was a very caring person, many who knew spoke of her kindness and generosity. Seriously, she changed people's lives trying to help them.

So, back to present day (about a year ago), the aide who is watching my son looks like my mom. Seriously, uncanny in the eyes. She has the same spirit my mom did (fuck, I just started crying). So, I think about that for about 6 months and I can't get past it. This woman has helped us do much, you have no idea. We pay her but she said we don't have to (we're fine financially).

So, Christmas morning I'm awake by myself and ran out of things to read. I had downloaded a Bible app on my phone a few weeks back, I didn't remember why. I think a post here maybe and I was trying to look something up, I dunno.

So I start reading the new testament. I couldn't stop, by the time everyone woke up I was finishing Mark.

Around that time I, for the first time ever, found myself praying. I've been having a hard time lately (confidence with myself) and just started praying. I was kinda dumbfounded I had done so.

The next week I started connecting dots and noticing things. Weird stuff that I find hard to put in words but nonetheless. One has to do with where I lived, moved here two years ago. There's something near me that has the same name in the Bible and the tiny bit on it and the lesson there was directly related to me. There's a bunch more here that I can't say but I led me to walk to a certain place near my home where I got on my knees and prayed.

Here I am a week later. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Said here now for the first time to another human.

The other night my wife and I were talking about Q stuff. She said she has been thinking maybe there is a God, she can't explain away the evil in the world. I had said nothing to her, she didn't know I had been reading the Bible and of my thoughts. I told her I don't know either (big deal on that coming from me) and we haven't spoke of it since.

So, here we are. I need to be baptized.