What is this thread all about?
Just a place for general discussion. A place to unload whats on your mind and talk about anything - personal, health, help needed, achievements, daily highs and daily lows, theories, predictions and what have you.
Does not need to be Q related.
I've had an interesting week. A friend found out her husband was cheating a few weeks back and now they're in the process of separating. He works away ,comes home every few weeks. Anyway he turned up at home a couple of days ago. She's terrified of him ,he's an abuser ,knocks her around and generally a mongrel of a bloke. So wed morning I get this text from her number which said I'm not leaving my house. So I'm thinking this isn't her ,it's him ,she never sends me texts like that in the morning,it's always good morning how are you blah blah. So I wrote back well good morning to you too. Same text back Yer I'm not leaving my house ,so I thought nope definitely not her so I write back Hello ( insert his name) nice to 'meet' you,stolen her phone again have you . ( I've never met him as I haven't known this lady that long and he takes her phone when he gets back she's told me). So I get an abusive text back which I was expecting. So I write back ,well are you going to give her her phone back or am I going to send the police for a welfare check? No reply ,half hour goes by still no reply so I drove to the police station and asked could they do a welfare check. Well a little while later she calls me,says the cops just left. I said well you'd either love me or hate me for doing it but I was concerned as I know he bashed her around last time he was back and my gut instinct was right ,he'd hit her again this time. What surprised me was she said I have been the only one in 39 years that has stood up for her and done something like that. She said what did you send him as it was like the twilight zone ,one minute he was ranting and raving at her ,next minute it went deathly quiet. He'd deleted it from her phone so I showed her on mine. So now he cannot just turn up there unannounced,he has to have police present if he goes there to collect anything. Today I spent a little while before work helping her to contact some places so she can get some income as he's cut off access to the bank accounts etc etc.I have told her if need be she can come here and stay. I guess what I'm asking is how else can I support this lady as she's extremely fragile right now. I've made sure she has basic supplies and food for her dogs but can you think of anything else I can do to help her? She has a heart of gold and a lovely person. She doesn't deserve this.
Well done and God Bless you for being such a good friend!
Has she filed a restraining order or divorce? See if local abuse agencies can direct her to attorneys that work with them to assist abused and battered women. Decide on a special code word that she can use to text you if she needs help or a key question you can ask her in text so you will know by the prearranged answer if it's really her or if he has her phone.
The best advice I can give you both is to get her divorced and AWAY from him! Tell her NOT to believe him if he cries, apologizes and swears he'll never do it again.
God Bless you both! Watch your back also fren! 🙏
Thank you for all your advice and kind comments frens. Joys1daughter ,we do have a code word but the first thing he does is takes her phone when he gets in the door. I have gone and bought another Sim card this morning that I will activate in my name and put it in one of my old phones and tell her to hide it so she can msg or ring me or call emergency services on it so if he pinched her phone she has some way of contacting someone. She lives rural which means she's pretty isolated and can't just run next door if she's in trouble. The local abuse agency didn't even show up when they said they would,they're useless.
Great idea about using your old phone with a new SIM card!
Are you located in GB? I hate that she is rural. Does he know where you live? Would she consider a divorce? Does she have family members who would support her by taking her in and offering protection.
Sorry for the questions...just trying to assess the situation. Be careful! 🙏
What a great friend you are. Thank you for doing that.
You're a really brave and good person. Maybe she can help w/ some things you're doing and the strength of 2 can give birth to a new business. There is always a blessing in disguise. Be optimistic even in such times and having a friend on your team means stronger and new plans can come to fruition. You two can even take trips together to maga rallies..haha
You are brave, you were a fighter, and you did what was right. Thank you! That’s exactly how I am, I would’ve definitely done the same as you. Just wanted to validate your choices.
To answer your question, she needs Jesus. She needs to be reading her Bible every day, she needs to join a women’s Bible study, and preferably at and nondenominational Bible believing church. May be difficult to do in Europe, I’m assuming you’re in England just by the word bloke.
The only thing that’s going to begin to heal her heart is having a God that loves her unconditionally, and rebuilding her self-esteem through other godly women. It’s amazing how many other women you will find in Bible studies that are going through the same thing that you’ve gone through. They help lift one another up.
Will pray for her.
She should have a divorce lawyer file for emergency support (in the manner to which she was accustomed) and start the process. Accounts frozen with history so she gets 1/2 in addition to support. A good lawyer will get her was is fair.
Beautiful. Breaks my heart you are the first to stand, but thank God you Are the first to stand.
It would seem that moving would be best for her. I have always heard that violent spouses are at their worst just before and just after the abused ends it.
Also, in the USA one cannot take someone off bank accounts without their physical presence. Possibly this is illegal where you reside as well?
Aww thank you. I would feel more comfortable if she came here but she says she doesn't want to be a burden. I think she's quite old school in thinking if she can't pay her way then she's a burden to someone ,even if it's just until she gets on her feet. At the moment I'm extremely worried about her mental health. She was shaking and vomiting at the mere thought of him returning the other day ,she's truly terrified of him. In the past I think he's alienated everyone she was friends with which is their usual playbook. They feel isolated and have nobody to turn to. Ive told her I'm not intimidated easily and am quite stubborn and strong which I think finally sunk in the other day when I didn't back down and fired back at him. Money wise I think he's manipulated it so the bank account was only in his name. I've got her to put a caveat over the house already so he can't sell it without that being lifted.
Well done. Bullies always turn tail when someone stands up to them.
Thanks . Just my gut instinct was telling me she was in trouble.
The National Domestic Violence hotline to start: 800-799-7233, thehotline.org. They will know resources to reach out to.
Thank you ,but is this for America ? She's not in the USA :)
Google it for that specific country, something like “domestic violence help in [country]”, that’s how I found the US one.
You are a friend indeed. She needs an income, maybe a place to stay and some serious moral support. You seem to have a hold on all of that. Obviously, without knowing her skills or preferences, it's not possible to suggest exactly how she earns money. But firstly, I suggest calculating exactly how much she needs to earn per day in order to get by.
And get rid of any TV, as that's a major source of depression.
Can her husband be legally obliged to support her?
Thank you. I know things will be very hard for her as money hasn't really been a problem in the past ,he's on big money. It's going to take some adjusting that's for sure but I have said she can do it and she'll be better not living in fear all the time ,waiting for him to explode. I think that's a good idea ,sit down and make a budget for her. The doctor she went to for her injuries just wanted to put her on medication and sweep it under the table. No way I told her ,I am happy to help her get through it without all that rubbish. I have said it will be hard adjusting but she'll get used to it. I don't know the situation at the moment as far as monetary support ,I guess that all gets decided in a divorce,at the moment I'm concerned about the immediate. We've organised an emergency payment that will come through next week for her.
God bless and bless you again! You’re brave and a wonderful friend!