I spent about 6 years begging, praying, hoping that God would show himself to me. I grew up in a Christian household, but from 14-25 years, I was a rebel and an atheist. I didn't believe in God. I believed in science. I was as far left as they come. I threatened suicide over Trump Daddy being elected; I could still find the facebook post. I was lost, confused, and again, hoping for a sign.
God was patient with me. He tried to send me subtle signs. None of them ever really clicked... Until Sherry. Sherry was (by my initial impression) a huge bible thumper, the type that really pushes it on ya. She had lost her son to an opiate overdose, and was working on building a NFP home for young boys with similar addictions. Long unnecessary details left out, I ended up making my Birthday Fundraiser on Fakebook for her charity (Nov 2019). Fast forward a year, to Nov 2020. I did a fundraiser again. I got in touch with Sherry, and told her I'd been getting donations. A bunch more unnecessary details, but we ended up getting to know each other well enough that when she would come to my work (a garden center) we would be thrilled to see one another. Good friends/great regular customer/call it what you want? Anyway, here's where Sherry does the magic; One day I'm working, ran out of coffee grounds at work, polished off the coffee i brought in, and its 22 degrees so coffee is a NEED at the moment (okay dramatic but listen, covfefe is my liiiiiiife). I pull up door dash and start looking for a coffee delivery.
Sherry calls the work line and interrupts. She is coming by to look at Holly bushes. She asks, should I get you a coffee on my way? And that's when I knew. God was loud and clear in that moment. That was about a month ago now. Since that, I've had so many other moments where it was so obvious to me that God was speaking to me. I wish this weren't getting so long, otherwise I'd share those experiences too. If you'd like to chat in the comments, so would I.
TLDR God delivered me a coffee for free. He loves me. He loves you too.
It's great that you are opening your heart God reaching out to you. The Bible says God is longsuffering and longs for us to come to Him. He breaks down the proud and gives grace to the humble.
The Bible also says Jesus Christ died so that sinners could be reconciled with a good God without compromising God's perfect justice. Believe that Jesus was God in the flesh and that He conquered death and He will give you His Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit gives unexplainable peace and joy and more importantly, your appointment with God the moment after your body dies will change from a moment of judgment to one of coming home.
Your finite life here will echo for all eternity based solely on what you do with Jesus Christ. He says for all who are weary to come to him - his yoke is easy and burden light. He has eternal life for those who believe!
How lucky are we?! Thanks for the words of reassurance. God Bless!