sorry to hear about your mom.

grief is a essentially a brain injury, and it takes about 5 months for that to heal.

think about how we treat a broken bone. we keep it secure until the bone knits itself back together. after it's healed, it needs rehab to regain strength and mobility. it's a similar process in grief. also the family/community must knit itself back together too, as there is a broken link in the network.

in the old days people wore some item or garment signaling to the community they were in grief. it served a purpose, similar to wearing a cast for a broken bone -- everyone can see, and accommodate the injury. we don't have that today. we expect people to grieve in a way that makes us feel better. we forget that about all those little hurts that happen when we take our injury outside and nobody sees we are nursing a wound. they inadvertently pat us on spot that normally would be welcome, but hitting an aching pain can send us shrieking.

grief counseling may be of help, but as your last experience showed, it may not be the thing -- and not everybody needs to talk through their feelings. what is important is to not be isolated, to be with others who know and love your mom, to maintain routines of self-maintenance. remember to honor the space as this year is filled with many "firsts" (first birthday, holiday, anniversary...) and new ways of celebrating must be found. ideally, he has friends nearby, or grandchildren. men need to be needed, so don't hesitate to ask for his help or advice, especially for the things he knows well and loves to do.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

you and your dad are in my prayers, fren.