The European wakes up eager to start his virtuous European day and immediately a thought pops into his head. AMERICANS. This of course is a daily occurrence without fail. "I wonder what those stupid Americans are up to," he thinks as he instinctively opens up his favorite American website Reddit from his iPhone. He scrolls and scrolls seeking an opening to talk about America, anything to latch on to. He's totally not obsessed with Americans. He becomes bored so he turns his TV on and opens up Netflix. He puts on his favorite marvel movie for the billionth time and he goes back to scrolling. He loves engaging in American culture as he bashes America. He's totally not obsessed. He gets hungry and reaches for his iphone to order breakfast from McDonalds using uber eats. “Stupid Americans making me eat their shitty food,” he thinks to himself, “European food is so much better not even close.” He has eaten KFC 3 out of the last 5 nights for dinner. He waits downstairs for his food so he decides to put on some American rap music. “Ugh stupid Americans,” he says “their culture is such shit! Not like European culture, we have history! and long-standing traditions. True culture comes from the wealthy!” A Muslim family crosses his path and he pretends to not be afraid and gives them a friendly nod and a wave. “WAAAOOOO” he thinks as he smirks so self-satisfied “I bet if this was America they would have shot them lol.” “Us Europeans are much more open-minded and civilized.” He nods agreeing with himself. His food arrives and makes his way back upstairs as he slurps down the coke Americans have forced him to drink. As he sits down to enjoy his shitty American food his Iphone receives an alert. NEW ZEALAND NOW HAS ZERO CORONAVIRUS CASES! “Oh my fucking god!" He yells! "I am so gonna rub this in their stupid American faces!” He tweets, he posts on Instagram. He jumps on Reddit and comments with furor and xenophobia. He never really congratulates New Zealand or their success but instead talks about how Americans will all die from COVID and how they are all so stupid. The European posts charts and graphs he has archived to link when he is questioned. Hes totally not obsessed with America. Dont even joke around like that. Hes cooming with joy. “I really showed those stupid Americans today” he says to himself “they fucking deserve it, god damn imperialists,” he says without a shred of irony. Felling extra good about his exploits he decides to go out and enjoy his blessed, virtuous, pretentious Euroday. He laces up his Jordans nice and tight. He puts on his favorite Batman shirt and Nike sweater. As he walks out he grabs a piece of cardboard sitting by the door. The European is now on his way out to protest about something happening in the U.S. Standing in a bus with 300 other people in it he has a thought. Why DO I care so much about things happening in America...Am I obsessed with American life?” he thinks as he yells Black Lives Matter from his 90% white, European country.