Here's a bit of a strategy: I have no idea if it works for you, but it worked for us, so might as well try:
your kids need a purpose.
The city and coding life is deadly. Your daughter (and son) both need to do something productive that yields result. Come spring they both should be tasked with growing food in the garden. Or if you have no garden make them each set up a green house and grow in it.
merit based household: your daughter has care products and takes long showers? Without a job? Who buys that? Your son has time to sit around and write songs? Who feeds him and leaves the heating on? If I was in your shoes, I'd turn off the water heater and turn it on only for my husband and myself. Your daughter can have a warm soft shower... After she's done something productive. Same for the son. There's wood to chop, there's basements to vacuum, there's old rickety stairs to fix... Whatever. The point is not to be mean, the point is to make them realize that they can fix stuff and achieve things, because that builds them up.
exercise and consistency. Have them learn skills that use hands, have them do things that are in their nature. Your daughter crochets? Well make her sell that stuff on etsy. Make her learn to knit, weave, and crochet 100 small octopus puppets to give out for Halloween. Your son likes to sing songs? Make him record you a Christmas Album for the entire family (after all, you gotta start somewhere. and make sure to expect him to be pitch perfect).
don't let them guilt you into being cuddly and nice. Expecting them to bring results is not a punishment, it's a gift.
I've seen my family wither from this modernity garbage, so I turned the backyard into garden, all of it. Every kid a patch and the one who grows the least gets no internet in the winter unless they make up for it with fixing the house. They're alive, determined, they up each other on skills and knowledge.. I felt bad for doing it but my kids now are happy. I hope you and your family find the strength to grow into the humans they're meant to be. Lots of good luck!
Here's a bit of a strategy: I have no idea if it works for you, but it worked for us, so might as well try:
I've seen my family wither from this modernity garbage, so I turned the backyard into garden, all of it. Every kid a patch and the one who grows the least gets no internet in the winter unless they make up for it with fixing the house. They're alive, determined, they up each other on skills and knowledge.. I felt bad for doing it but my kids now are happy. I hope you and your family find the strength to grow into the humans they're meant to be. Lots of good luck!