Pfft, amateurs. My lawyer just called and asked me if I was ready for court tomorrow. I said hell yeah. I ain't going. See, I've been spending the last six months booby trapping my entire 500 acres.
I got snake pits, rolling logs, bear traps... I got some straight up Indiana Jones shit. I got a fucking boulder that'll fall down when you open my front door. I got about 120 coyotes that I trained to bite anything with a crew cut and a fucking badge.
I flew an old Vietnamese man out here and he helped me dig about 12 miles worth of underground tunnels. I have 450 cameras. I've rigged the solar panels all around this motherfucker. I got a Bengal Tiger locked in my bathroom who would fucking kill for a pork chop right now. You know it's surprisingly easy to teach a racoon how to loosen lug nuts and cut brake lines.
I'd rather live the rest of my life in the woods living off fucking wild ginseng and creek water than go to fucking jail one more time. And don't even try bringing no helicopters down here neither. Like, I got a whole fucking coupe full of pigeons with C4 tied around their feets. Got a bunch of PVC pipe filled with gunpowder and ball bearings and a baboon who is deadly accurate with a nail gun.
Pfft, amateurs. My lawyer just called and asked me if I was ready for court tomorrow. I said hell yeah. I ain't going. See, I've been spending the last six months booby trapping my entire 500 acres.
I got snake pits, rolling logs, bear traps... I got some straight up Indiana Jones shit. I got a fucking boulder that'll fall down when you open my front door. I got about 120 coyotes that I trained to bite anything with a crew cut and a fucking badge.
I flew an old Vietnamese man out here and he helped me dig about 12 miles worth of underground tunnels. I have 450 cameras. I've rigged the solar panels all around this motherfucker. I got a Bengal Tiger locked in my bathroom who would fucking kill for a pork chop right now. You know it's surprisingly easy to teach a racoon how to loosen lug nuts and cut brake lines.
I'd rather live the rest of my life in the woods living off fucking wild ginseng and creek water than go to fucking jail one more time. And don't even try bringing no helicopters down here neither. Like, I got a whole fucking coupe full of pigeons with C4 tied around their feets. Got a bunch of PVC pipe filled with gunpowder and ball bearings and a baboon who is deadly accurate with a nail gun.
Credit.
Lmao, "it's surprisingly easy to teach a racoon how to loosen lug nuts and cut brake lines."