Thank you all so much for the wonderful post remembering my dear Mum. I was encouraged to make my post a new thread, so here it is.
Also here is the only video I have of her:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUk8KiEciqM
The post:
Hi all, thanks so much for remembering Mum. She would have been very happy with the election result. Me not so much, but democracy is democracy.
I think you are all just so sweet to remember her today, she would have been very touched. Despite me being a raging die hard atheist liberal pansexual trans ally with cats out the wazoo, you all welcomed and consoled me when she passed. It just goes to show that we CAN unite over the important things, and you shouldn't just throw people away over a difference of opinion - there's always hope for dialogue and love. If you have a friend or relative who isn't speaking to you, or who you don't think you can deal with any more, just take this as an example. One thing I think we can ALL agree on; love conquers all. Not hate, love. You don't have to talk about politics and religion to have a relationship; you don't have to agree. It's possible to find common ground and build on it rather than slinging mud and making your island even smaller. Mud thrown is ground lost. I don't believe in Jesus but I DO believe you should love your neighbour as yourself, family even more so.
I did forget to update on how she passed - pulmonary embolism due to deep vein thrombosis. She was working so hard on her garden and allotment, it's possible that the hard work contributed. I wish I could have helped her more but she was very much a 'do it herself' kind of lady, just unstoppable. She was an amazing gardener.
We also raised a few hundred pounds for the Dog's Trust, Mum's favourite UK charity. If anyone feels so inclined, they would welcome a donation. Mum treasured her dogs and seriously went after people who mistreated their pups.
Her funeral was lovely, and I was so happy to meet a couple of her 'frens.' We had a great turnout.
I would like to say one thing though - if you're feeling 'off,' unusually tired, if you bump yourself, get a bad bruise.... GET CHECKED OUT!! Same if you have any of the many symptoms of diabetes, heart disease, even mental health issues like depression. I'm particularly looking at you guys, especially those of you who 'never go to the doctor.' Some deaths are preventable. Please take care of yourselves! I know healthcare can be expensive in America, and some other countries, but don't just push things to the back of your mind and assume it isn't a problem. Don't push yourself to the limit - take a break! Let your kids help you with the hard work, don't wear yourselves out! Tell your loved ones that you love them every time you talk to them, we're not here forever and you never know when 'see you later' is actually 'good-bye.'
Big thanks to you all, especially u/MAGAKitty for her supportive emails and posts, and to all the people who sent me private messages of support.
Some people asked if her account will stay up - I certainly won't be deleting it. Mum's words will live on.
Finally, I'd like to share the eulogy I wrote for her with you.
Hi, I’m Alina’s daughter. As most of you know I just got back from living abroad in time to spend a few last weeks with my darling mother, who we are here to celebrate today.
Mum was born in Jarosław, Poland. She had fond memories of crawling under her father’s chair to listen as he played the violin, and lived in awe of her glamorous and beautiful mother, who brought her to England when she was a child. She grew up in Cambridge, moved to Cheshire with my father, where she had me, and later settled in Oxfordshire, where she lived until she left us quite unexpectedly last month, peacefully passing away from a pulmonary embolism as she lay in bed reading bible verses. While we all mourn her passing, I and many of her friends take comfort in the knowledge that she didn’t suffer, and was spared most of the ravages of old age.
Mum went to school in Cambridge, and later studied law and accounting at the Oxford polytechnic. She was a keen student of history and art, and her house is filled with books, paintings, and beautiful ceramics, which she considerately put away to prepare for the arrival of my mischievous cats.
My mother had two green thumbs. Her houseplants are spectacular, and she had a collection of uncommon orchids carefully potted up with volcanic rocks and moss that I am trying very hard not to kill. Everyone loved mum’s beautiful garden, with its collection of apple trees, roses, and flowers of all descriptions. Her allotment is a shining tribute to her hard work, dedication, and talent; it is beautifully designed and still produces an abundance of delicious fruits and vegetables. Mum took pride in identifying and growing the very best varieties, and she loved to share her bountiful harvests with her friends. Some of you will probably miss her summer gluts of berries - I know I will.
Mum was a great fan of the arts. When I was little she took me to museums and galleries as often as she could, whisking me off to London for exhibitions and taking me to theatres near and far. Exploring museums and going to see live performances was a pastime we shared throughout my life, and I have so many wonderful memories of shows we saw together - in particular a three man Ben Hur that made us laugh so hard our stomachs hurt for the rest of the day. She loved going to gigs and concerts, and could hold her own in a mosh pit even in her sixties. She was a big fan of Milton Jones, and generally loved silly humour.
Mum was fantastic with animals, children, and elderly people, several of whom she befriended and spent a lot of time with. She had three beautiful, perfectly trained German shepherds, and a golden retriever who did whatever he wanted, despite her best efforts. When I was little she supplied me with a steady stream of hamsters and rats, and to her great surprise, she very recently bonded with my cats who she was kind enough to take in along with me.
Mum was utterly fearless. She believed that you could get away with almost anything if you walked with a sense of purpose, spoke with confidence, and just straight-up refused to take ‘no’ for an answer. Whether she was returning something to a shop long after the thirty days had passed, or using the loos at Blenheim Palace without paying for a ticket, mum took no prisoners. She generally forged her way to victory regardless of rules, obstacles, conventions, and, occasionally, the law.
She loved to feed people. A dear friend of hers told me just the other day how much she enjoyed her wonderful souffles. Her deep dish pizza was amazing, her lemon meringue pie could send you to heaven, and she was constantly experimenting, refining, and trying out new recipes and foods. She was always an incredibly healthy eater, and her cupboards are filled with cacao nibs, goji berries, and a tonne of supplements, which she shared with anyone who seemed to be in need.
But her generosity went beyond cooking for people and giving away her home-grown delights - Mum really looked after the people she cared about. She bestowed her motherly love on some of my friends, staying in touch with old boyfriends of mine and continuing to care about them long after our relationships had ended. She took in a schoolmate of mine who was rejected by her family, loved my dear late husband as one of her own, and she supported, encouraged and prayed for everyone she held dear.
Mum had a great love for the homeless, not just giving a bit of change but actually talking to people and bringing them food. Recently she recalled an incident in which she came across a gentleman she took to be homeless, rushing home to pack him a bag of supplies, only to realise that he wasn’t actually homeless at all; he was just a bit scruffy.
Alina was an incredible mother; she was always in my corner when I needed her; she always had my back. She taught me so many life skills. She started to teach me to cook as soon as I was old enough to sit on the kitchen counter.
I will always think of my mother as an artist. She made incredibly beautiful embroidered samplers, using unusual techniques like felting to create incredibly detailed masterpieces. She made most of my childhood clothes, and throughout her life she excelled as a dressmaker and knitter, amassing an amazing collection of beautiful fabrics and other artistic supplies. She was also very stylish, and was generally beautifully dressed.
She was a great story teller, and among other ideas, she created a concept that I and everyone I have shared it with find comforting - the idea that all cuddly toys magically teleport to a mystical dimension called BearLand when abandoned or abused, and are replaced with holograms so that no one notices.
Her talent shone through not just in her actual artwork, but in her cooking, her garden, her allotment, her appearance, and her home. She will be fondly remembered and missed by many people, and I’m grateful to those of you who could be here today. Thank you for your kind messages and cards. I hope you will join us for a drink and a sandwich.
Thank you all for being here.
“One thing I think we can ALL agree on; love conquers all. Not hate, love. You don't have to talk about politics and religion to have a relationship; you don't have to agree. It's possible to find common ground and build on it rather than slinging mud and making your island even smaller. “ Beautiful wisdom. Deepest Condolences.
Thanks! I believe in peace and communication.
I truly believe genuine conversations and treating others as one would like to be treated could cure most divisions. Not all sadly but most. Hugs. It is hard losing a parent.
It's something that we need to put into daily practice. If you can show me such warmth, why shouldn't that be universal?
For me it is and for lots of others. I have dear dear friends and we have viewpoints that clash deeply but like you said that isn’t the base of relationship. I think most people with the exception of a few on both sides hate ideologies rather than individuals. Took me a while to realize individuals that hurt me were not acting as individuals so much as acting out on principle to support their ideologies. That made it far far easier to forgive the person. Again as we both agree that one on one conversation is powerful stuff. My grandfather taught me every person you meet has something to teach you if you’re wise enough to learn it. I never had the chance to interact with your mum and given what a great job she did with you I regret that she seems like an extraordinary woman who had much to teach