Bro.

The stuff about increased sensitivity strikes me, I've increasingly felt over the years that I don't have a choice. The consequences of violating my beliefs and principles are far too negative, I mostly thought about it as learning from my past mistakes but it's clearly also personal growth and feels like it's striving upward towards being more realized.

For basically my whole life I've had that nagging feeling that something about the world is wrong, then I experienced some events that pointed that feeling inward at myself, even to the point where I perceived things were my fault (basically sounds like a delusion, probably is). It's taken me years to figure out how to defeat that but I feel that I've found the path and it leads to an obviously higher plane of existence. I similarly have a feeling of this being inevitable, but it always felt kind of... insane to accept. However, accepting it and living it bring feelings of responsibility, clarity, and peace. I can see the 'demons' (that I think of as actual programmed daemons, basically unconscious habit/addictive-type loops that make me go on autopilot and drop into a lower space). They still win sometimes, and some of them are probably necessary but can be better guided... but now I see the battlefield.

I'm not sure if I'm describing the same thing, but your post felt like it matches the general themes I've been experiencing pretty well.

Bro.

The stuff about increased sensitivity strikes me, I've increasingly felt over the years that I don't have a choice. The consequences of violating my beliefs and principles are far too negative, I mostly thought about it as learning from my past mistakes but it's clearly also personal growth and feels like it's striving upward towards being more realized.

For basically my whole life I've had that nagging feeling that something about the world is wrong, then I experienced some events that pointed that feeling inward at myself, even to the point where I perceived things were my fault (basically sounds like a delusion, probably is). It's taken me years to figure out how to defeat that but I feel that I've found the path and it leads to an obviously higher plane of existence. I similarly have a feeling of this being inevitable, but it always felt kind of... insane to accept. However, accepting it and living it bring feelings of responsibility, clarity, and peace. I can see the 'demons' (that I think of as actual programmed daemons, basically unconscious habit/addictive-type loops that make me go on autopilot and drop into a lower space. They still win sometimes, and some of them are probably necessary but can be better guided... but now I see the battlefield.

I'm not sure if I'm describing the same thing, but your post felt like it matches the general themes I've been experiencing pretty well.