Female, in my forties, no kids, worked my ass off for years (as in periods of 75-120+ hours a week, multiple post-grad degrees) and for what? Prior to Covid I did have good hobbies / friends but still… Likewise I was brought up totally indoctrinated into thinking I had to go to college, get a career, then maybe get married & have kids. High IQ, high performer, lots of other talents.

But EQ? Parents always fought (& finally split, as did other aunts uncles in my late teens/twenties so no great examples there) so our emotional needs… i ended up a high performing people-pleaser which means getting worked into the dirt in competitive careers or jobs unless you cop on. Who wants to date a woman always working, or doing exams, or the next degree?

Best way to try to have it all is find a good match in college/20s, have the family early, then in your forties if you want to run a business or go back to college do it then, when your kids are late teens early twenties.

But career structures these days are not only still designed for men with full time wives, I’d argue that performance expectations are even higher than they they were 30-40 years ago, with worse pay & job security.

Female, in my forties, no kids, worked my ass off for years (as in periods of 75-120+ hours a week, multiple post-grad degrees) and for what? Prior to Covid I did have good hobbies / friends but still… Likewise I was brought up totally indoctrinated into thinking I had to go to college, get a career, then maybe get married & have kids. High IQ, high performer, lots of other talents.

But EQ? Parents always fought (& finally split, as did other aunts uncles in my late teens/twenties so no great examples there) so our emotional needs… i ended up a high performing people-pleaser which means getting worked into the dirt in competitive careers or jobs unless you cop on. Who wants to date a woman always working, or doing exams, or the next degree?

Best way to try to have it all is find a good match in college/20s, have the family early, the. In your forties if you want to run a business or go back to college do it then, when your kids are late teens early twenties.

But career structures these days are not only still designed for men with full time wives, I’d argue that performance expectations are even higher than they they were 30-40 years ago, with worse pay & job security.