I appreciate your response. I read every word and agree with many of the points you make. It did inspire a response, since you put so much thought into yours.
When I evaluate whether I would stop my possibly hypothetical son from doing something, I think of this question from him:
“What bad things would happen to me if I did this?”
We would evaluate the bad things that would happen, weigh them against the benefits, and come to a decision.
You and I would probably answer these questions from our sons the same way:
“What bad things happen to me if I become an axe murderer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I become a drug dealer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I sexually assault someone?”
“What bad things happen to me if I have sex as a twelve year old with an adult?”
“What bad things happen to me if I got someone pregnant right now?”
“What bad things happen to me if I try heroin just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I shot myself?”
Maybe even the same answers to these questions (if we give each other some credit):
“What bad things happen to me if I try smoking pot just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I get drunk at a party?”
“What bad things happen to me if a lie, but for a good reason?”
“What bad things would happen to me if I married this girl I’ve known for three months?”
I think we just diverge in how we would answer the following question from our respective sons:
“What bad things happen to me if I wear a dress in public?”
“What bad things happen to me if I prefer to go by she instead of he?”
“What bad things happen to me if I wear make-up?”
Because my answers are, “People will make fun of you. They will look down on you. They will discriminate and assume things about you. Some people will find you sexually unattractive.”
Depression rates? Anxiety rates? Suicide rates? Can’t really separate that from what it must be like to live while being mocked and laughed at. It would make anyone mentally unstable.
I find myself left only with, “the world will be cruel to you if you choose to live like this.” But if they choose to make that choice anyway, and they honestly believe they are happier, then I can’t help but see a strength in that, not weakness.
All that being said, I don’t dismiss at all the numerous social conflicts we see as a result of transgender acceptance, such as how we deal with sports situations, public restrooms, and ABSOLUTELY when the appropriate age is for major medical alterations.
But I don’t throw the whole philosophy out based on the challenge it provides society.
If the only reason my son shouldn’t wear high heels is because it’ll provoke people to attack him, and he walks out of the house anyway, then either he’s just curious and about to have a learning experience, or he’s brave and taking damage for something that makes him happy, or he’s a badass who honestly doesn’t give a shit what people think, which is probably going to include me.
If the only problem is, “the world will hate you,” and my son says, “the world can go fuck itself”, that… honestly seems like a mantra that many Q people would be behind.
Thanks again for your extensive thoughts on it. I always appreciate finding places of similarity, even if our differences tend to be the main point of discussion around here.
I appreciate your response. I read every word and agree with about 90% of the points you make. It did inspire a response, since you put so much thought into yours.
When I evaluate whether I would stop my possibly hypothetical son from doing something, I think of this question from him:
“What bad things would happen to me if I did this?”
We would evaluate the bad things that would happen, weigh them against the benefits, and come to a decision.
You and I would probably answer these questions from our sons the same way:
“What bad things happen to me if I become an axe murderer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I become a drug dealer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I sexually assault someone?”
“What bad things happen to me if I have sex as a twelve year old with an adult?”
“What bad things happen to me if I got someone pregnant right now?”
“What bad things happen to me if I try heroin just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I shot myself?”
Maybe even the same answers to these questions (if we give each other some credit):
“What bad things happen to me if I try smoking pot just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I get drunk at a party?”
“What bad things happen to me if a lie, but for a good reason?”
“What bad things would happen to me if I married this girl I’ve known for three months?”
I think we just diverge in how we would answer the following question from our respective sons:
“What bad things happen to me if I wear a dress in public?”
“What bad things happen to me if I prefer to go by she instead of he?”
“What bad things happen to me if I wear make-up?”
Because my answers are, “People will make fun of you. They will look down on you. They will discriminate and assume things about you. Some people will find you sexually unattractive.”
Depression rates? Anxiety rates? Suicide rates? Can’t really separate that from what it must be like to live while being mocked and laughed at. It would make anyone mentally unstable.
I find myself left only with, “the world will be cruel to you if you choose to live like this.” But if they choose to make that choice anyway, and they honestly believe they are happier, then I can’t help but see a strength in that, not weakness.
All that being said, I don’t dismiss at all the numerous social conflicts we see as a result of transgender acceptance, such as how we deal with sports situations, public restrooms, and ABSOLUTELY when the appropriate age is for major medical alterations.
But I don’t throw the whole philosophy out based on the challenge it provides society.
If the only reason my son shouldn’t wear high heels is because it’ll provoke people to attack him, and he walks out of the house anyway, then either he’s just curious and about to have a learning experience, or he’s brave and taking damage for something that makes him happy, or he’s a badass who honestly doesn’t give a shit what people think, which is probably going to include me.
If the only problem is, “the world will hate you,” and my son says, “the world can go fuck itself”, that… honestly seems like a mantra that many Q people would be behind.
Thanks again for your extensive thoughts on it. I always appreciate finding places of similarity, even if our differences tend to be the main point of discussion around here.
I appreciate your response. I read every word and agree with about 90% of the points you make. It did inspire a response, since you put so much thought into yours.
When I evaluate whether I would stop my possibly hypothetical son from doing something, I think of this question from him:
“What bad things would happen to me if I did this?”
We would evaluate the bad things that would happen, weigh them against the benefits, and come to a decision.
You and I would probably answer these questions from our sons the same way:
“What bad things happen to me if I become an axe murderer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I become a drug dealer?”
“What bad things happen to me if I sexually assault someone?”
“What bad things happen to me if I have sex as a twelve year old with an adult?”
“What bad things happen to me if I got someone pregnant right now?”
“What bad things happen to me if I try heroin just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I shot myself?”
Maybe even the same answers to these questions (if we give each other some credit):
“What bad things happen to me if I try smoking pot just once?”
“What bad things happen to me if I get drunk at a party?”
“What bad things happen to me if a lie, but for a good reason?”
“What bad things would happen to me if I married this girl I’ve known for three months?”
I think we just diverge in how we would answer the following question from our respective sons:
“What bad things happen to me if I wear a dress in public?”
“What bad things happen to me if I prefer to go by she instead of he?”
“What bad things happen to me if I wear make-up?”
Because my answers are, “People will make fun of you. They will look down on you. They will discriminate and assume things about you. Some people will find you sexually unattractive.”
Depression rates? Anxiety rates? Suicide rates? Can’t really separate that from what it must be like to live while being mocked and laughed at. It would make anyone mentally unstable.
I find myself left only with, “the world will be cruel to you if you choose to live like this.” But if they choose to make that choice anyway, and they honestly believe they are happier, then I can’t help but see a strength in that, not weakness.
All that being said, I don’t dismiss at all the numerous social conflicts we see as a result of transgender acceptance, such as how we deal with sports situations, public restrooms, and ABSOLUTELY when the appropriate age is for major medical alterations.
But I don’t throw the whole philosophy out based on the challenge it provides society.
If the only reason my son shouldn’t wear high heels is because it’ll provoke people to attack him, and he walks out of the house anyway, then either he’s just curious and about to have a learning experience, or he’s brave and taking damage for something that makes him happy, or he’s a badass who honestly doesn’t give a shit what people think, which is probably going to include me.
If the only problem is, “the world will hate you,” and my son says, “the world can go fuck itself”, that… honestly seems like a mantra that many Q people would be behind