1. How rusty is too rusty?

If the wheels/crank/handlebars don't spin, or it can't hold you up without breaking, it's too rusty.

2. How do you keep your balls from jiggling around?

Hire a hooker to hold them for you while riding. Get a banana seat for her (or for your balls, depending on how flush you are with cash and/or how "big" the problem is).

3. Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?

If you fall off your bike and scrape your knee/elbow, you will learn better how to not fall off your bike (or roll with the fall). This also protects your head (see below), because you "learn your lesson" about falling off your bike.

Bumps, scrapes, and bruises are what non-crazy parents call "lessons."

4. Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies?

Yes.

5. How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle?

What would be the point of "not looking gay" if you're just riding around looking for a big-gay orgy in the woods?

6. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?

Choose one:

• need it and not have it
• have it and not need it.

7. Are scooters gay?

I have seen scooters fucking each other before, but I'm not sure that all scooters do that.

8. Are skateboards still cool?

Only if you store it in the spare fridge.

9. Which does the least harm to your lower back?

It depends on if your particular scooter is gay or not.

10. Does biking help reduce belly-fat?

It depends on how much of your riding time is spent at the orgy.

11. Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives?

That's actually a really good question.

12. My head gets really itchy from the helmet.

Don't wear a helmet. The odds of one actually protecting you are on the order of being hit by lightning. It's like a mask for covid. It's not impossible for it to protect you, but the data suggests you are making yourself look like an idiot for nothing. If you do happen to fall off your bike or get hit by a car see (3) above.

13. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?

Animals use their piss to keep gay-orgy-bicyclists away from their territory. Maybe try that?

1. How rusty is too rusty?

If the wheels/crank/handlebars don't spin, or it can't hold you up without breaking, it's too rusty.

2. How do you keep your balls from jiggling around?

Hire a hooker to hold them for you while riding. Get a banana seat for her (or your balls, depending on how flush you are with cash and/or how "big" the problem is).

3. Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?

If you fall off your bike and scrape your knee/elbow, you will learn better how to not fall off your bike (or roll with the fall). This also protects your head (see below), because you "learn your lesson" about falling off your bike.

Bumps, scrapes, and bruises are what non-crazy parents call "lessons."

4. Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies?

Yes.

5. How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle?

What would be the point of "not looking gay" if you're just riding around looking for a big-gay orgy in the woods?

6. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?

Choose one:

• need it and not have it
• have it and not need it.

7. Are scooters gay?

I have seen scooters fucking each other before, but I'm not sure that all scooters do that.

8. Are skateboards still cool?

Only if you store it in the spare fridge.

9. Which does the least harm to your lower back?

It depends on if your particular scooter is gay or not.

10. Does biking help reduce belly-fat?

It depends on how much of your riding time is spent at the orgy.

11. Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives?

That's actually a really good question.

12. My head gets really itchy from the helmet.

Don't wear a helmet. The odds of one actually protecting you are on the order of being hit by lightning. It's like a mask for covid. It's not impossible for it to protect you, but the data suggests you are making yourself look like an idiot for nothing. If you do happen to fall off your bike or get hit by a car see (3) above.

13. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?

Animals use their piss to keep gay-orgy-bicyclists away from their territory. Maybe try that?

1. How rusty is too rusty?

If the wheels/crank/handlebars don't spin, or it can't hold you up without breaking, it's too rusty.

2. How do you keep your balls from jiggling around?

Hire a hooker to hold them for you while riding. Get a banana seat for her (or your balls).

3. Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?

If you fall off your bike and scrape your knee/elbow, you will learn better how to not fall off your bike (or roll with the fall). This also protects your head (see below), because you "learn your lesson" about falling off your bike.

Bumps, scrapes, and bruises are what non-crazy parents call "lessons."

4. Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies?

Yes.

5. How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle?

What would be the point of "not looking gay" if you're just riding around looking for a big-gay orgy in the woods?

6. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?

Choose one:

• need it and not have it
• have it and not need it.

7. Are scooters gay?

I have seen scooters fucking each other before, but I'm not sure that all scooters do that.

8. Are skateboards still cool?

Only if you store it in the spare fridge.

9. Which does the least harm to your lower back?

It depends on if your particular scooter is gay or not.

10. Does biking help reduce belly-fat?

It depends on how much of your riding time is spent at the orgy.

11. Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives?

That's actually a really good question.

12. My head gets really itchy from the helmet.

Don't wear a helmet. The odds of one actually protecting you are on the order of being hit by lightning. It's like a mask for covid. It's not impossible for it to protect you, but the data suggests you are making yourself look like an idiot for nothing. If you do happen to fall off your bike or get hit by a car see (3) above.

13. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?

Animals use their piss to keep gay-orgy-bicyclists away from their territory. Maybe try that?

1. How rusty is too rusty?

If the wheels/crank/handlebars don't spin, or it can't hold you up without breaking, it's too rusty.

2. How do you keep your balls from jiggling around?

Hire a hooker to hold them for you while riding. Get a banana seat for her (or your balls, depending on how flush you are with cash).

3. Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?

If you fall off your bike and scrape your knee/elbow, you will learn better how to not fall off your bike (or roll with the fall). This also protects your head (see below), because you "learn your lesson" about falling off your bike.

Bumps, scrapes, and bruises are what non-crazy parents call "lessons."

4. Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies?

Yes.

5. How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle?

What would be the point of "not looking gay" if you're just riding around looking for a big-gay orgy in the woods?

6. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?

Choose one:

• need it and not have it
• have it and not need it.

7. Are scooters gay?

I have seen scooters fucking each other before, but I'm not sure that all scooters do that.

8. Are skateboards still cool?

Only if you store it in the spare fridge.

9. Which does the least harm to your lower back?

It depends on if your particular scooter is gay or not.

10. Does biking help reduce belly-fat?

It depends on how much of your riding time is spent at the orgy.

11. Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives?

That's actually a really good question.

12. My head gets really itchy from the helmet.

Don't wear a helmet. The odds of one actually protecting you are on the order of being hit by lightning. It's like a mask for covid. It's not impossible for it to protect you, but the data suggests you are making yourself look like an idiot for nothing. If you do happen to fall off your bike or get hit by a car see (3) above.

13. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?

Animals use their piss to keep gay-orgy-bicyclists away from their territory. Maybe try that?

1. How rusty is too rusty?

If the wheels/crank/handlebars don't spin, or it can't hold you up without breaking, it's too rusty.

2. How do you keep your balls from jiggling around?

Hire a hooker to hold them for you while riding. Get a banana seat for them.

3. Are elbow and knee pads worth the discomfort and sweat-rash?

If you fall off your bike and scrape your knee/elbow, you will learn better how to not fall off your bike (or roll with the fall). This also protects your head (see below), because you "learn your lesson" about falling off your bike.

Bumps, scrapes, and bruises are what non-crazy parents call "lessons."

4. Do those hoards of bicyclists actually go into the woods to have big-gay orgies?

Yes.

5. How do you manage to not look gay riding a bicycle?

What would be the point of "not looking gay" if you're just riding around looking for a big-gay orgy in the woods?

6. Should I bring a gun with me for "other" emergencies?

Choose one:

• need it and not have it
• have it and not need it.

7. Are scooters gay?

I have seen scooters fucking each other before, but I'm not sure that all scooters do that.

8. Are skateboards still cool?

Only if you store it in the spare fridge.

9. Which does the least harm to your lower back?

It depends on if your particular scooter is gay or not.

10. Does biking help reduce belly-fat?

It depends on how much of your riding time is spent at the orgy.

11. Since sun-screen is known to be carcinogenic (likely on purpose) what's the over-under on alternatives?

That's actually a really good question.

12. My head gets really itchy from the helmet.

Don't wear a helmet. The odds of one actually protecting you are on the order of being hit by lightning. It's like a mask for covid. It's not impossible for it to protect you, but the data suggests you are making yourself look like an idiot for nothing. If you do happen to fall off your bike or get hit by a car see (3) above.

13. Is there an anti-gay-orgy-bicyclist repellent I can spray around my shed?

Animals use their piss to keep gay-orgy-bicyclists away from their territory. Maybe try that?