Agree here with the "do NOT bail out" advice. As someone who worked with addicts, I can tell you with certainty that your wife is where she needs to be by the hand of God - in rehab. Most prisons if not all have detox and rehab, which is my background. Some people cheat the outpatient system and never benefit. People say it "doesn't work" lulz - certainly not when people do not work it. So lock and key is the ONLY option. The addict MUST go to prison/jail. They legit dry out and that is the only time they start to have common sense again. It takes time too.

Most pros who work with addicts don't even interact with them seriously until FOUR weeks dried out in lock down. It takes that long for the liver to filter out the ETOH/drugs and the mind to heal/rebalance. You are wasting your time talking to them if they are not four weeks post arrest. So do NOT bail this woman out if you love her.

You're hurting because you tried to give an addict too much trust and got burned. So learn from this. You can't give car keys to a drunk. You can't let them watch kids. Or you'll be left with the drained savings, impounded car, and other costs, kids taken by the system etc. So please fren, do not hire her a lawyer, let the public defender do it. Let her sort out herself.

You can still love her, still be there for her, but you have to draw the line. Is that separation, quite possibly. You can still reconcile if she succeeds in sobriety also. She needed this, fren. This is God's doing to save her life and the kids. She was out of control and going to end up dead, maybe taking a kid or two with her. I've seen that too. So do not enable her to drive without full total sobriety. Not sober = no keys. If you live in a good state they'll take her license.

She'll be unhappy about this and let you know it. Let it roll off your back. Listen but tell her your hard bright line is that she gets and stays sober. The rock bottom of the addict is always far too low for the rest of us to consider, but love is letting someone grow up and be an adult by hitting that rock bottom. Let their bad decisions fully hit them. Don't lighten her load at your expense. Put you and kiddos first. This pain she feels will motivate her to work her program. This is the way. You're on the right track. I recommend AlAnon for family members, even the kids - find a group in your area. They're a Godsend to many all in that same boat. It's easy for us to advise but it is hard to change old assumptions. It's hard to fight that urge to rescue. It will kill her unless you let her fail fully. Do not rescue her which is what you've been doing at the expense of yourself and the kids. You are using a measuring stick of someone who is sober, a well meaning but deadly error. You hope for it so you act as if it were so. It is hard to change that but the only way to truly save the addict from themselves. This is the meaning of the phrase killing with kindness. She'll die if you don't get tough with her and set standards that can't be broken.

You'll be changing just like she is. You'll be where your FiL is where he realizes enabling has not worked - just the reverse. AlAnon is a way to get support for those tough decisions to put limits on the addict, which is critical to their recovery. Most addicts are spoiled children, let's face it. The world coddles them and they take advantage of it. This is the disease. When they have to own their decisions, they finally grow up. God is a huge part of this but so is treatment such as topiramate and wellbutrin or naloxone etc. It jump starts shaving the edge off the cravings. But the rest is choosing to do right and restoring a mauled morality, both individual and family. That can only happen if you let her fully experience consequences. You do have my prayers and know that you are over the worst of it. Hope that helps.

Agree here with the "do NOT bail out" advice. As someone who worked with addicts, I can tell you with certainty that your wife is where she needs to be by the hand of God - in rehab. Most prisons if not all have detox and rehab, which is my background. Some people cheat the outpatient system and never benefit. People say it "doesn't work" lulz - certainly not when people do not work it. So lock and key is the ONLY option. The addict MUST go to prison/jail. They legit dry out and that is the only time they start to have common sense again. It takes time too.

Most pros who work with addicts don't even interact with them seriously until FOUR weeks dried out in lock down. It takes that long for the liver to filter out the ETOH/drugs and the mind to heal/rebalance. You are wasting your time talking to them if they are not four weeks post arrest. So do NOT bail this woman out if you love her.

You're hurting because you tried to give an addict too much trust and got burned. So learn from this. You can't give car keys to a drunk. You can't let them watch kids. Or you'll be left with the drained savings, impounded car, and other costs, kids taken by the system etc. So please fren, do not hire her a lawyer, let the public defender do it. Let her sort out herself.

You can still love her, still be there for her, but you have to draw the line. Is that separation, quite possibly. You can still reconcile if she succeeds in sobriety also. She needed this, fren. This is God's doing to save her life and the kids. She was out of control and going to end up dead, maybe taking a kid or two with her. I've seen that too. So do not enable her to drive without full total sobriety. Not sober = no keys. If you live in a good state they'll take her license.

She'll be unhappy about this and let you know it. Let it roll off your back. Listen but tell her your hard bright line is that she gets and stays sober. The rock bottom of the addict is always far too low for the rest of us to consider, but love is letting someone grow up and be an adult by hitting that rock bottom. Let their bad decisions fully hit them. Don't lighten her load at your expense. Put you and kiddos first. This pain she feels will motivate her to work her program. This is the way. You're on the right track. I recommend AlAnon for family members, even the kids - find a group in your area. They're a Godsend to many all in that same boat. It's easy for us to advise but it is hard to change old assumptions. It's hard to fight that urge to rescue. It will kill her unless you let her fail fully. Do not rescue her which is what you've been doing at the expense of yourself and the kids. You are using a measuring stick of someone who is sober, a well meaning but deadly error. You hope for it so you act as if it were so. It is hard to change that but the only way to truly save the addict from themselves. This is the meaning of the phrase killing with kindness. She'll die if you don't get tough with her and set standards that can't be broken.

You'll be changing just like she is. You'll be where your FiL is where he realizes enabling has not worked - just the reverse. AlAnon is way to get support for those tough decisions to put limits on the addict, which is critical to their recovery. Most addicts are spoiled children, let's face it. The world coddles them and they take advantage of it. This is the disease. When they have to own their decisions, they finally grow up. God is a huge part of this but so is treatment such as topiramate and wellbutrin or naloxone etc. It jump starts shaving the edge off the cravings. But the rest is choosing to do right and restoring a mauled morality, both individual and family. That can only happen if you let her fully experience consequences. You do have my prayers and know that you are over the worst of it. Hope that helps.