The fervor you have is exactly what I'm hoping for. Words like yours used to make me feel so uncomfortable, but during the height of covid, I felt a taste of that spirit and diligently spoke, prayed , studied with others. I felt a lot of presence then. I've prayed in the spirit of Job , through the darkest points . I for sure believe God values honest prayers, even when I'm angry and brutally honest, I haven't stopped prayers but I feel like there's a block there, like a purposely mentally trying to remain numb even when my spirit is reeling for that closeness again. I've asked for forgiveness in ways I've know I've been wrong and even for forgiveness for maybe what I don't know is wrong, I've spent time dwelling on others I may have not forgiven in my past and forgiving them . And perhaps I'm making all the proper strides and it's a season of waiting and patience but I'm very sick and tired of it.

The fervor you have is exactly what I'm hoping for. Words like yours used to make me feel so uncomfortable, during the height of covid, I felt a taste of that spirit and diligent spoke, prayed , studied with others. I'm felt a lot of presence then. I've prayed in the spirit of Job , through the darkest point. I for sure believe God values honest prayers, even when I'm angry and brutally honest, I haven't stopped prayers but I feel like there's a block there, like a purposely mentally trying to remain numb even when my spirit is reeling for that closeness again. I've asked for forgiveness in ways I've know I've been wrong and even for forgiveness for maybe what I don't know is wrong, I've spent time dwelling on others I may have not forgiven in my past and forgiving them . And perhaps I'm making all the proper strides and it's a season of waiting and patience but I'm very sick and tired of it.