Deep feeling, CONNECTED to the actual events you're crying (or whatever) about, is actually healing.

Trauma -- feelings too painful to feel at the time, which get repressed (and you may or may not have access to memory about them) -- doesn't just fade away because by definition it's powerfully threatening, and continuously seeks to rise to full consciousness so the threat can be addressed -- even though the threat is now over.

Defenses work to prevent full consciousness, but the feeling and the defenses against the feeling leak out into actions, thoughts, physical symptoms, attitudes, and so on.

Smoking, drinking, buying stuff we don't need, sex with strangers, anger aimed at people who don't deserve it, panic attacks, depression, and a thousand other things are among the results and "strategies" of repressed feeling. In every case the engine powering it all is pain of one sort or another. Old trauma is something the system strongly wants to avoid but can't; it doesn't really matter what the details are (except to the person him/herself).

Deeply connecting to whatever experience is being repressed -- not just talking about it or "understanding" it -- defuses both the feeling and the problems it causes. Your system is no longer trying to repress a painful or threatening experience that desperately NEEDS to reach full consciousness, because you HAVE BECOME CONSCIOUS of it. Not just aware of it, but deeply, fully conscious of it. "Message delivered", at last. The four-alarm fire the system needed to respond to has been taken care of.

If you have someone you trust who you can talk to about your feelings, that can be a big help. They need to listen and do almost nothing else; they aren't there to give you advice or anything like that but to just be a supportive presence while you go through a difficult process.

Caveat: as with anything we do (or choose NOT to do), there are dangers in opening up to deep feeling. Of course, not opening up means you don't ever really get better, which has plenty of danger of its own.

Few people ever go through this process, and nearly all forms of therapy focus (whether they admit it or not) on improving the symptoms instead of addressing the underlying problem. Indeed, some things are far better, even far healthier, as defenses than others. Stop smoking (and maybe take up an exercise routine) for example. For some people, that works well enough to be worthwhile -- reducing lung cancer risk is not a bad thing! But there are people for whom swapping harmful symptoms for positive ones (or at least less-harmful ones) isn't enough.

You might be one of those people.

Either way, I wish you well on your journey through life.

Deep feeling, CONNECTED to the actual events you're crying (or whatever) about, is actually healing.

Trauma -- feelings too painful to feel at the time, which get repressed (and you may or may not have access to memory about them) -- doesn't just fade away because by definition it's powerfully threatening, and continuously seeks to rise to full consciousness so the threat can be addressed -- even though the threat is now over.

Defenses work to prevent full consciousness, but the feeling and the defenses against the feeling leak out into actions, thoughts, physical symptoms, attitudes, and so on.

Smoking, drinking, buying stuff we don't need, sex with strangers, anger aimed at people who don't deserve it, panic attacks, depression, and a thousand other things are among the results and "strategies" of repressed feeling. In every case the engine powering it all is pain of one sort or another. Old trauma is something the system strongly wants to avoid but can't; it doesn't really matter what the details are (except to the person him/herself).

Deeply connecting to whatever experience is being repressed -- not just talking about it or "understanding" it -- defuses both the feeling and the problems it causes. Your system is no longer trying to repress a painful or threatening experience that desperately NEEDS to reach full consciousness, because you HAVE BECOME CONSCIOUS of it. Not just aware of it, but deeply, fully conscious of it. "Message delivered", at last. The four-alarm fire the system needed to respond to has been taken care of.

If you have someone you trust who you can talk to about your feelings, that can be a big help. They need to listen and do almost nothing else; they aren't there to give you advice or anything like that but to just be a supportive presence while you go through a difficult process.

Caveat: as with anything we do (or choose NOT to do), there are dangers in opening up to deep feeling. Of course, not opening up means you don't ever really get better, which has plenty of danger of it's own.

Few people ever go through this process, and nearly all forms of therapy focus (whether they admit it or not) on improving the symptoms instead of addressing the underlying problem. Indeed, some things are far better, even far healthier, as defenses than others. Stop smoking (and maybe take up an exercise routine) for example. For some people, that works well enough to be worthwhile -- reducing lung cancer risk is not a bad thing! But there are people for whom swapping harmful symptoms for positive ones (or at least less-harmful ones) isn't enough.

You might be one of those people.

Either way, I wish you well on your journey through life.