Thanks GKTH.

I understand that you are tired. It's the right response to the situation, because we're in the midst of a war, and war is taxing. It saps into our energy stores. And, when we are exposed to information that we were previously protected from, it takes a LOT of spiritual energy just to assimilate and process it. So don't give up and don't despair. You are not alone, even more than you know.

I think I know where you're at, and I sympathize greatly. Let me share a story.

I had many formative experiences - spiritual experiences - when I was a child. I recall having experiences where my heart was overwhelmed by a heart much greater than my child's heart, and I would weep for all the suffering in the world, the pain of humanity. Numerous times this happened, before I even went to high school.

But my father was very critical of religion in general, and with a sharp intellect, I came to adopt the following position: How can God let there be so much suffering in the world? If that is God, then I'm going to NOT believe in God, even if he exists. If God can let such suffering exist, then I don't want such a God.

And during my early teenage years, I adopted the cloak of an atheist. I would argue, and win debates with my Christian friends about how God does not exist.

But as I entered senior high school, something began to shift. I could see that the other kids around me, who I looked down on in my arrogance, had lives that meant as much to them as mine did to me. I found compassion emerging in my heart, and at the same time, I began to think about God in a very different way, not so much from the angle of traditional Christian belief, which I had already decided to reject, but from a more .... new age type of angle. God as consciousness, God as a transcendent force.

So it was that when I was 18, I began having experiences with God again. I would have deep and profound prayers, where my heart was overwhelmed with tears and anguish, and I came to realize that the tears and anguish were not mine, but that they were God's. God was showing to me his true feelings, about the world, about humanity, about Israel in history and Jesus who walked the earth 2000 years ago.

And I was humbled. I came to realize that my own heartache about the suffering in the world was in fact an echo of God's own heart. That far from being an aloof, distant deity presiding over the world and judging the world, that in fact, God's most profound character was one of heartache and suffering, because those he loves beyond all measure of himself are in a place where he cannot simply sweep in and rescue them.

You see God cannot and will not ever violate our own responsibility, our own choices made in free will. So when people turn away from God, for whatever reason, regardless of the circumstances, God cannot simply step in and change their choice, no matter how much he may want to and no matter how much heartache those choices cause for them. He suffers, because even though he tries to reach out and get people to listen to his voice, there has always been an enemy who is constantly mocking him, attacking his children and leading them into disaster.

Why? How could it be so? because God's own creation purpose is a joint project. While he created the vast cosmos and endowed his children with physical forms, and spirit and heart, he also gave them (us) a portion of responsibility to accomplish in order for his purpose to be perfected and fulfilled. That responsibility has to do with faith, because it is only through faith that Adam was to achieve his own maturity. Believing in God, following God's command, Adam would have grown to completion, and God's creation purpose would have been fulfilled, when he and Adam would become fused and united forever as Father and Son.

And all who came after, the children and descendants of Adam, would have stood on that foundation, and the world would have come a world of Joy, and Blessing.

But Adam failed, and heartbroken, God himself could not interfere, because it was He himself who gave Adam the responsibility. If he interfered, then it would be the same as negating his own creation purpose, and violating his own creation design. And so the inheritance from Adam became one of suffering, not blessing.

So it is that since the fall of Adam, God has worked in tears, sweat and blood to restore his relationship with us, step by step, sacrifice by sacrifice. All to bring us to the point where we can reverse the mistake of Adam and restore ourselves to him.

And Jesus then, is the first fruit, but not the end. It's not a magic wand. The spiritual salvation through Christ is a doorway, a starting point. Jesus restores the position of Adam, but we and the world are still in a place where WE must fulfill our responsibility.

The main thing I came to realize at that time when I was 18 and over the next few years, is that God is a God of heartbreak and suffering, and that Jesus himself was more rejected and heartbroken than any person who ever lived, but he overcame it all, and loved despite being rejected by the very people prepared to receive him.

Jesus was able to forgive sins before he went to the cross. Think about it. He could forgive sins. So why was the cross necessary? Because of the faithlessness of the Israelites, who, instead of reversing the mistake of Adam, repeated it and compounded it by rejecting Jesus. So Jesus had to pay the price with his flesh.

If you pray on these things and earnestly ask God if this is true, he will answer you. You may have to fight in prayer. Between you and God's heart there are thousands and thousands of spiritual forces that want to keep you away from knowing the true heart of God. When I met God in deep prayer, it was on the foundation of praying so hard, so determinedly, not willing to stop or relent until I experienced God and found the answer: "What are you feeling God? How do you feel about the world? What do you actually FEEL about the world, God?"

This sort of prayer cannot be answered easy peasy, but requires, sometimes, to be willing to fight to the death to seek God, to not let Satan block the way.

Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus prayed so hard that the blood vessels behind his eyes burst with the pressure and his tears became tears of blood.

When you pray with all your effort, desperate and calling out to God for him to answer you, he will be drawn, and you'll find yourself wrapped up in more sorrow and love and grace than you have ever experienced.

At that point, faith and belief turns to knowledge. It's no longer about believing in God, because you'll experience God on a level so deep that it cannot ever be denied.

And this is the truth: God is tired. Jesus is tired. But because they love absolutely, they cannot be stopped and will never be stopped. And when we come to them and tell them and experience their own heart as our own, we step in to a position to comfort them. Did you ever think that perhaps God needs a son to comfort him? To tell him, don't worry Father, I will never give up!! This is the heart of Jesus to his Father, and THIS is the real cross to be taken up.

To love the Father is to care for the Father and comfort the father and give everything you can to see his kingdom come, even if it is only one day sooner, to end the suffering of his children one day sooner.

If we can pray and through our prayer and faith bring the healing of another, don't you think that we can move the world closer to God, through our effort and devotion? Then, we are not just following Jesus, but walking along side him, sharing with him the work.

That's all I have to say on that. The answer to how anyone or anything could allow such suffering to exist cannot be found in a rationalization, or an intellectual understanding, but only through the direct experience of God's heart. If you search out God and desperately reach out to him, you'll find a father heartbroken in tears, hoping to find one more son who will help him end the suffering sooner, even if by one day.

Ask how Jesus feels. Ask how he felt upon the cross. So many believers just want to get the blessings, the benefits from Jesus, but are unwilling to share the sufferings of Jesus.

When Jesus says Take up you cross and follow me, he is talking about what? the Cross of the Heart. The Cross of a Love so intense that it reaches out even to its enemies, and loves even them. The Cross of Love that weeps for the world but is determined never to abandon it and never to give in.

Opening our heart to God, and to Jesus, and to Others, is the hardest thing to do, ever. But in that, you'll find a unity and a love and a peace that will overcome the pain of loving even more.

I encourage you to start with prayer. Ask God if all this is true. Seek him out, and don't let yourself be discouraged. Remember Jacob. In order to become the one whom God could bless and raise up an entire people, he had to struggle 'with God' all through the night. Why?

Because to come to God, and experience God's heart, we have to fight for it. It's not automatic. The possibility of doing that is what Jesus grants to us. Without him, would could not even begin to try.

Tell God what is in your heart and ASK him, ask him, earnestly, how HE feels about this. If you persevere, he will tell you.

Between the ages of 18 up until my late 20's, I continually had prayers filled with tears, and Jesus was my constant companion, as I felt my desire to comfort God rise up and overcome my desire to be comforted by God.

When I was 8 years old, one of my first encounters with God's heart was when, in my classroom, in a catholic school (I'm not catholic anymore), I found myself singing with the class the Peace Song of Saint Francis. As I sat on the classroom floor, legs crossed, my head down, tears gushed from my eyes and the words of the song etched something deep in to my heart that remains to this day:

Make me a channel of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me bring your love.

Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,

And where there's doubt, true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace.

Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope.

Where there is darkness, only light,

And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek

So much to be consoled as to console.

To be understood as to understand.

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

in giving of ourselves that we receive,

and in dying that we're born to eternal life.

A blessing on you, GKTH. Because God indeed knows the heart. He's waiting for you...

Thanks GKTH.

I understand that you are tired. It's the right response to the situation, because we're in the midst of a war, and war is taxing. It saps into our energy stores. And, when we are exposed to information that we were previously protected from, it takes a LOT of spiritual energy just to assimilate and process it. So don't give up and don't despair. You are not alone, even more than you know.

I think I know where you're at, and I sympathize greatly. Let me share a story.

I had many formative experiences - spiritual experiences - when I was a child. I recall having experiences where my heart was overwhelmed by a heart much greater than my child's heart, and I would weep for all the suffering in the world, the pain of humanity. Numerous times this happened, before I even went to high school.

But my father was very critical of religion in general, and with a sharp intellect, I came to adopt the following position: How can God let there be so much suffering in the world? If that is God, then I'm going to NOT believe in God, even if he exists. If God can let such suffering exist, then I don't want such a God.

And during my early teenage years, I adopted the cloak of an atheist. I would argue, and win debates with my Christian friends about how God does not exist.

But as I entered senior high school, something began to shift. I could see that the other kids around me, who I looked down on in my arrogance, had lives that meant as much to them as mine did to me. I found compassion emerging in my heart, and at the same time, I began to think about God in a very different way, not so much from the angle of traditional Christian belief, which I had already decided to reject, but from a more .... new age type of angle. God as consciousness, God as a transcendent force.

So it was that when I was 18, I began having experiences with God again. I would have deep and profound prayers, where my heart was overwhelmed with tears and anguish, and I came to realize that the tears and anguish were not mine, but that they were God's. God was showing to me his true feelings, about the world, about humanity, about Israel in history and Jesus who walked the earth 2000 years ago.

And I was humbled. I came to realize that my own heartache about the suffering in the world was in fact an echo of God's own heart. That far from being an aloof, distant deity presiding over the world and judging the world, that in fact, God's most profound character was one of heartache and suffering, because those he loves beyond all measure of himself are in a place where he cannot simply sweep in and rescue them.

You see God cannot and will not ever violate our own responsibility, our own choices made in free will. So when people turn away from God, for whatever reason, regardless of the circumstances, God cannot simply step in and change their choice, no matter how much he may want to and no matter how much heartache those choices cause for them. He suffers, because even though he tries to reach out and get people to listen to his voice, there has always been an enemy who is constantly mocking him, attacking his children and leading them into disaster.

Why? How could it be so? because God's own creation purpose is a joint project. While he created the vast cosmos and endowed his children with physical forms, and spirit and heart, he also gave them (us) a portion of responsibility to accomplish in order for his purpose to be perfected and fulfilled. That responsibility has to do with faith, because it is only through faith that Adam was to achieve his own maturity. Believing in God, following God's command, Adam would have grown to completion, and God's creation purpose would have been fulfilled, when he and Adam would become fused and united forever as Father and Son.

But Adam failed, and heartbroken, God himself could not interfere, because it was He himself who gave Adam the responsibility. If he interfered, then it would be the same as negating his own creation purpose, and violating his own creation design.

So it is that since the fall of Adam, God has worked in tears, sweat and blood to restore his relationship with us, step by step, sacrifice by sacrifice. All to bring us to the point where we can reverse the mistake of Adam and restore ourselves to him.

And Jesus then, is the first fruit, but not the end. It's not a magic wand. The spiritual salvation through Christ is a doorway, a starting point.

The main thing I came to realize at that time when I was 18 and over the next few years, is that God is a God of heartbreak and suffering, and that Jesus himself was more rejected and heartbroken than any person who ever lived, but he overcame it all, and loved despite being rejected by the very people prepared to receive him.

Jesus was able to forgive sins before he went to the cross. Think about it. He could forgive sins. So why was the cross necessary? Because of the faithlessness of the Israelites, who, instead of reversing the mistake of Adam, repeated it and compounded it by rejecting Jesus. So Jesus had to pay the price with his flesh.

If you pray on these things and earnestly ask God if this is true, he will answer you. You may have to fight in prayer. Between you and God's heart there are thousands and thousands of spiritual forces that want to keep you away from knowing the true heart of God. When I met God in deep prayer, it was on the foundation of praying so hard, so determinedly, not willing to stop or relent until I experienced God and found the answer: "What are you feeling God? How do you feel about the world? What do you actually FEEL about the world, God?"

This sort of prayer cannot be answered easy peasy, but requires sometimes to be willing to fight to the death to seek God, to not let Satan block the way.

Remember the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus prayed so hard that the blood vessels behind his eyes burst with the pressure and his tears became tears of blood.

When you pray with all your effort, desperate and calling out to God for him to answer you, he will be drawn, and you'll find yourself wrapped up in more sorrow and love and grace than you have ever experienced.

At that point, faith and belief turns to knowledge. It's not longer about believing in God, because you'll experience God on a level so deep that it cannot ever be denied.

And this is the truth: God is tired. Jesus is tired. But because they love absolutely, they cannot be stopped and will never be stopped. And when we come to them and tell them and experience their own heart as our own, we step in to a position to comfort them. Did you ever think that perhaps God needs a son to comfort him? To tell him, don't worry Father, I will never give up!! This is the heart of Jesus to his Father, and THIS is the real cross to be taken up.

To love the Father is to care for the Father and comfort the father and give everything you can to see his kingdom come, even if it is only one day sooner, to end the suffering of his children one day sooner.

If we can pray and through our prayer and faith bring the healing of another, don't you think that we can move the world closer to God, through our effort and devotion? Then, we are not just following Jesus, but walking along side him, sharing with him the work.

That's all I have to say on that. The answer to how anyone or anything could allow such suffering to exist cannot be found in a rationalization, or an intellectual understanding, but only through the direct experience of God's heart. If you search out God and desperately reach out to him, you'll find a father heartbroken in tears, hoping to find one more son who will help him end the suffering sooner, even if by one day.

When Jesus says Take up you cross and follow me, he is talking about what? the Cross of the Heart. The Cross of a Love so intense that it reaches out even to its enemies, and loves even them.

Opening our heart to God, and to Jesus and to Others is the hardest thing to do, ever. But in that, you'll find a unity and a love and a peace that will overcome the pain of loving even more.

I encourage you to start with prayer. Ask God if all this is true. Seek him out, and don't let yourself be discouraged. Remember Jacob. IN order to become the one whom God could bless and raise up an entire people, he had to struggle 'with God' all through the night. Why? Because to come to God, and experience God's heart, we have to fight for it. It's not automatic. The possibility of doing that is what Jesus grants to us. Without him, would could not even begin to try.

Tell God what is in your heart and ASK him, ask him, earnestly, how HE feels about this. If you persevere, he will tell you.

Between the ages of 18 up until my late 20's, I continually had prayers filled with tears, and Jesus was my constant companion, as I felt my desire to comfort God rise up and overcome my desire to be comforted by God.

When I was 8 years old, one of my first encounters with God's heart was when, in my classroom, in a catholic school (I'm not catholic anymore), I found myself singing with the class the Peace Song of Saint Francis. As I sat on the classroom floor, legs crossed, my head down, tears rushing from my eyes, that some etched something deep in to my heart that remains to this day:

Make me a channel of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me bring your love.

Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,

And where there's doubt, true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace.

Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope.

Where there is darkness, only light,

And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek

So much to be consoled as to console.

To be understood as to understand.

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

in giving of ourselves that we receive,

and in dying that we're born to eternal life.

A blessing on you, GKTH. Because God indeed knows the heart. He's waiting for you...