This is the book text and link to archived article https://web.archive.org/web/20220316160645/https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnn.com%2F2022%2F03%2F15%2Fus%2Fmississippi-assistant-principal-book-termination%2Findex.html
I need a new butt! Mine’s got a crack. I can see in the mirror a crack at the back. Did I do it on the slide? Or on the banister inside? Or when I jumped my BMX? Or with the Fart? That happened next. Of course! The fart! That’s what blew my butt apart! Split the thing clean in two. Now I wonder what to do. I need a new one. A green one or a blue one. A fat one or a thin one. A wood one or a tin one. Why not an arty-farty butt? One not to be forgotten, With watercolors on the top And a mural on the bottom. Or…yellow spotted? Purple dotted? A butt with color. A butt with flair. A butt as bright as I dare to wear. A butt as bright as …. Dad’s underwear! Or maybe an alien’s butt, Made from a metal like titanium. Fireproof! Bulletproof! Bombproof! I’d like a butt that’s safety-rated. The right butt… A knight’s butt… A butt that’s armor-plated. What about a bumper butt made of chrome? Why not, I say from a 1960’s sport coupe, one made in the USA. With accessories to complement, Like strips of silver smoothly bent, A set of lights left and right For backing ‘round in the night. With a bumper butt I won’t be scared because bumper cracks can be repaired. But….a bumper butt is huge! A bumper butt weighs a ton. I’ve changed my mind…I want a lighter one. A Rocket butt? All fire and thrust. A robo-butt? Now that butt’s a must. No…I think it’s all too late. This cracked butt is my fate. I’m here on my own in this cracked butt zone. No one to care. No one to share… Wait! What’s that I hear? This is outrageous! Are butt cracks contagious? Dad! Your butt crack is showing! And Dad…there’s no way of knowing just how far it’s going
This is the book text
I need a new butt! Mine’s got a crack. I can see in the mirror a crack at the back. Did I do it on the slide? Or on the banister inside? Or when I jumped my BMX? Or with the Fart? That happened next. Of course! The fart! That’s what blew my butt apart! Split the thing clean in two. Now I wonder what to do. I need a new one. A green one or a blue one. A fat one or a thin one. A wood one or a tin one. Why not an arty-farty butt? One not to be forgotten, With watercolors on the top And a mural on the bottom. Or…yellow spotted? Purple dotted? A butt with color. A butt with flair. A butt as bright as I dare to wear. A butt as bright as …. Dad’s underwear! Or maybe an alien’s butt, Made from a metal like titanium. Fireproof! Bulletproof! Bombproof! I’d like a butt that’s safety-rated. The right butt… A knight’s butt… A butt that’s armor-plated. What about a bumper butt made of chrome? Why not, I say from a 1960’s sport coupe, one made in the USA. With accessories to complement, Like strips of silver smoothly bent, A set of lights left and right For backing ‘round in the night. With a bumper butt I won’t be scared because bumper cracks can be repaired. But….a bumper butt is huge! A bumper butt weighs a ton. I’ve changed my mind…I want a lighter one. A Rocket butt? All fire and thrust. A robo-butt? Now that butt’s a must. No…I think it’s all too late. This cracked butt is my fate. I’m here on my own in this cracked butt zone. No one to care. No one to share… Wait! What’s that I hear? This is outrageous! Are butt cracks contagious? Dad! Your butt crack is showing! And Dad…there’s no way of knowing just how far it’s going