I'm in a situation with my father that people wouldn't believe. He is 87 yo and has Parkinsons. He has care M-F til 3pm and on weekends till noon. We are working on getting care for the 6-10pm period. It is very hard to get him care because he is rural and no one wants to drive out to his house. Dad is very out going and we get him out to play euchere in two different community places twice a week.
Dad spends his morning dozing in his chair. Even when we wake him, his Parkinsons has control and he can't move. Problem is after he gets moving and the care givers leave, he gets into all kinds of stuff that he is too old to do and gets hurt. He is on blood thinners and we can't get him to stop climbing ladders and stairs. He digs at the drywall in his kitchen (we have fixed the dry wall 3 times professionally and "its not right") He uses his pocket knife to dig at the countertops and cupboards. The door in the kitchen is a disaster from his digging. Frankly, we are okay with the destruction he wroughts in the house because it keeps him occupied in view of the cameras and safe. We have resigned ourselves that it will just have to be remodeled after he is gone. However, he won't take his meds (even if he hears the alarm on his watch - he just ignores it), and he skips meals left for him because he is "busy". This behavior screws up the next morning for obvious reasons.
He goes outside after dark and drives the "lake living" neighbors nuts. I've lost track of the number of times the cops have been called on him. Once, last fall, he was driving his side by with an open beer, a loaded gun in the cab and so impacted by the "come and go" of his Parkinsons symptoms he couldn't keep it in his lane. He got pulled over with a warning because they dont want to deal with him.
He has put his push lawn mower in the lake (brother mows but its "not right") banged on ice on his drive for hours (he refuses to use salt), bangs with a hammer on a boat that has a small dent, works on his garden (another thing he can't get in trouble with) after dark, in the rain (except these two). Gets stuck outside and gotten lost in the middle of the night because he wanted to go to the local bar who promised a free dinner. They were closed. Uses his diaper with out changing (he can) from the time the care giver leaves until they arrive the next day. He scrounges the neighborhood and brings home other peoples junk with ideas to repurpose (he has money but has lived for more his entire life). He thinks he can still hunt safely and still wants to go fishing in a boat or on ice. Even bank fishing he shouldn't be alone. We have taken him out to do these things for years but its no longer safe for him. He wants to run the chain saw on a piece of property he has. And don't get him on a sales call! He asks multiple people a month to give him estimate prices on this or that. Because he doesn't believe what things cost.
We have taken away most tools, don't let him drive, we have cameras up in the living area of his home, we have him on a gizmo watch to track him and he wears a "I've fallen and can't get up" unit around his neck.
Despite all these safety elements, he has to be taken to the hospital multiple times a month for scans to detect blood clots or a brain bleed. He ends up bruised and cut up from multiple falls daily.
My brother and I have no way of controlling his behavior and can't stop his getting hurt. Dad is sneaky, obstinate, and belligerent. In his mind he can do anything he wants. He is up most nights until between 1-3:00am. We (5 of us - 4 of us are disabled) watching every camera alert still can't get him calmed down. Most often one of us have to go get him inside for the night. My brother is resigned and figures Dad will die alone from some accident. I live an hour away. Im an anxiety ridden bitch about the whole thing. Brother won't consider an assisted care home because we know they will drug Dad for control. He is also scared Dad would commit suicide if we put him in. I'm at a loss.
We need help and can't find it! What do people do? Sad thing is I want to spend good times with my Dad and with his out of control demands, Im angry and am looking forward to being free of the stress. I writing this on a hospice discussion as I gaze upon the image of Dads injury of the day because I want you to know there are worse ways to die and sometimes no matter what we do we can't prevent our love ones from aging and the issues related to aging just suck! As boomers head into this situation you can expect to see this type of situation more often. I wonder what their kids will do. Will what we see as killings in hospice, become desired and openly planned? Kavorkin started it and believe people are buying into mercy killings already scares me. How do we provide safe and loving freedom to our parents as they move into this stage? I think this needs to be discussed.
I'm in a situation with my father that people wouldn't believe. He is 87 yo and has Parkinsons. He has care M-F til 3pm and on weekends till noon. We are working on getting care for the 6-10pm period. It is very hard to get him care because he is rural and no one wants to drive out to his house. Dad is very out going and we get him out to play euchere in two different community places twice a week.
Dad spends his morning dozing in his chair. Even when we wake him, his Parkinsons has control and he can move. Problem is after he gets moving and the care givers leave, he gets into all kinds of stuff that he is too old to do and gets hurt. He is on blood thinners and we can't get him to stop climbing ladders and stairs. He digs at the drywall in his kitchen (we have fixed the dry wall 3 times professionally and "its not right") He uses his pocket knife to dig at the countertops and cupboards. The door in the kitchen is a disaster from his digging. Frankly, we are okay with the destruction he wroughts in the house because it keeps him occupied in view of the cameras and safe. We have resigned ourselves that it will just have to be remodled after he is gone. However, he won't take his meds (even if he hears the alarm on his watch - he just ignores it), and he skips meals left for him because he is "busy". This behavior screws up the next morning for obvious reasons.
He goes outside after dark and drives the lake living neighbors nuts. I've lost track of the number of times the cops have been called on him. Once, last fall, he was driving his side by with an open beer, a loaded gun in the cab and so impacted by the "come and go" of his Parkinsons symptoms he couldn't keep it in his lane. He got pulled over with a warning because they dont want to deal with him.
He has put his push lawn mower in the lake (brother mows but its "not right") banged on ice on his drive for hours (he refuses to use salt), bangs with a hammer on a boat that has a small dent, works on his garden (another thing he can't get in trouble with) after dark, in the rain (except these two). Gets stuck outside and gotten lost in the middle of the night because he wanted to go to the local bar who promised a free dinner. They were closed. Uses his diaper with out changing (he can) from the time the care giver leaves until they arrive the next day. He scrounges the neighborhood and brings home other peoples junk with ideas to repurpose (he has money but has lived for more his entire life). He thinks he can still hunt safely and still wants to go fishing in a boat or on ice. Even bank fishing he shouldn't be alone. We have taken him out to do these things for years but its no longer safe for him. He wants to run the chain saw on a piece of property he has. And don't get him on a sales call! He asks multiple people a month to give him estimate prices on this or that. Because he doesn't believe what things cost.
We have taken away most tools, don't let him drive, we have cameras up in the living area of his home, we have him on a gizmo watch to track him and he wears a "I've fallen and can't get up" unit around his neck.
Despite all these safety elements, he has to taken to the hospital multiple times a month for scans to detect blood clots or a brain bleed. He ends up bruised and cut up from multiple falls daily.
My brother and I have no way of controlling his behavior and can't stop his getting hurt. Dad is sneaky, obstinate, and belligerent. In his mind he can do anything he wants. He is up most nights until between 1-3:00am. We (5 of usv- 4 Oz us disabled) watching every camera alert still can't get him calmed down. Most often one of us have to go get him inside for the night. My brother is resigned and figures Dad will die alone from some accident. I live an hour away. Im an anxiety ridden bitch about the whole thing. Brother won't consider an assisted care home because we know they will drug Dad for control. He is also scared Dad would commit suicide if we put him in. I'm at a loss. P
We need help and can't find it! What do people do? Sad thing is I want to spend good times with my Dad and with his out of control demands, Im angry and am looking forward to being free of the stress. I writing this on a hospice discussion as I gaze upon the image of Dads injury of the day because I want you to know there are worse ways to die and sometimes no matter what we do we can't prevent aging in our love ones and the issues related to aging just suck! As boomers head into this situation you can expect to see this more. I wonder what their kids will do. Will what we see as killings in hospice, become desired and openly planned? Kavorkin started it and believe people are buying into mercy killings. How do we provide safe and loving freedom to our parents as they move into this stage? I think this needs to be discussed.
I'm in a situation with my father that people wouldn't believe. He is 87 yo and has Parkinsons. He has care M-F til 3pm and on weekends till noon. We are working on getting care for the 6-10pm period. It is very hard to get him care because he is rural and no one wants to drive out to his house. Dad is very out going and we get him out to play euchere in two different community places.
Dad spends his morning dosing in his chair. Even when we wake him, his Parkinsons has control. Problem is after he gets moving and the care givers leave, he gets into all kinds of stuff that he is too old to do and gets hurt. He is on blood thinners and we can't get him to stop climbing ladders and stairs. He digs at the drywall in his kitchen (we have fixed the dry wall 3 times professionally and "its not right") He uses his pocket knife to dig at the countertops and cupboards. The door in the kitchen is a disaster from his digging. Frankly we are okay with the destruction he wroughts because it keeps him occupied and have reigned ourselves it will just have to be remodked after he is gone. However, he won't take his meds (even if he hears the alarm on his watch - he just ignores it) he skips meals because he is "busy". This behavior screws up the next morning for obvious reasons.
He goes outside after dark and drives the lake living neighbors nuts. I've lost track of the number of times the cops have been called on him. Once, last fall, he was driving his side by with an open beer, a loaded gun in the cab and so impacted by the "come and go" of his Parkinsons symptoms he couldn't keep it in his lane.
He has put his push lawn mower in the lake (brother mows but its "not right") banged on ice on his drive for hours (he refuses to use salt), bangs with a hammer on a boat that has a small dent, works on his garden after dark, in the rain. Gets stuck outside and gotten lost in the middle of the night because he wanted to go to the local bar who promised a free dinner. They were closed. Uses his diaper with out changing (he can) from the time the care giver leaves until they arrive the next day. He scrounges the neighborhood and brings home other peoples junk with ideas to repurpose (he has money but has lived for it his entire life). He thinks he can still hunt safely and still wants to go fishing in a boat or on ice. Even bank fishing he shouldn't be alone. We have taken him out to do these things for years but its no longer safe for him. And dont get him on a sales call!
We have taken away most tools, don't let him drive, we have cameras up in the living area of his home, we have him on a gizmo watch to track him and he wears a "I've fallen and can't get up" unit around his neck.
Despite all these safety elements, he has to taken to the hospital multiple times a month for scans to detect blood clots or a brain bleed. He ends up bruised and cut up from multiple falls daily.
My brother and I have no way of controlling his behavior and can't stop his getting hurt. Dad is sneaky and belligerent. He is up most nights until between 1-3:00am. We (5 of us) watching every camera alert still can't get him calmed down. Most often one of us have to go get him jn. I live an hour away. My brother is resigned and figures Dad will die alone from some accident. Im an anxiety ridden bitch about the whole thing. Brother won't consider an assisted care home because we know they will drug Dad for control. He is also scared Dad would commit suicide if we put him in. I'm at a loss. P
We need help and can't find it! What do people do? Sad thing is I want to spend good times with my Dad and with his out of control demands, Im angry and am looking forward to being free of the stress. I writing this on a hospice discussion as I gaze upon the image of Dads injury of the day because I want you to know there are worse ways to die and sometimes no matter what we do we can't prevent aging in our love ones and the issues related to aging just suck! As boomers head into this situation you can expect to see this more. I wonder what their kids will do. Will what we see as killings in hospice, become desired and openly planned? Kavorkin started it and believe people are buying into mercy killings. How do we provide safe and loving freedom to our parents as they move into this stage? I think this needs to be discussed.