Even the question is wrong: people are not missing this magical "motivation" pixie dust. In fact, you yourself pointed out that your daughter was "motivated" and now she is not. Did her bottle of magic pixie dust run out?

No. You are just describing their behavior, not some magical "motivation" stuff that they do not have. Really what you see is that they are not moving towards a goal and a life where they can take care of themselves. You describe that as not having "motivation", but that is just one metal model of many you could use to think about the situation, and likely not the most helpful one.

People act "motivated" when they have a vision of something they want that calls to them. Everyone has something that calls to them. For your daughter it was coding, but now it is wearing dresses. For your son it is listening to the prayers of trees.

A problem is a difference between (1) the way the world is and (2) what a human wants. There are no problems out there in the world; problems only arise when a human starts wanting things.

You have a desire for your children to be other than the way they are. That is all you. They own their lives, not you. It is actually an act of aggression to pretend that you own their lives and that therefore you have the right to be disappointed in them. They own their lives, not you. Your kids do not have a problem; you do.

My mom told me and my brother she would love us no matter what, even if we were garbage collectors. (I happen to have a lot of respect for garbage collectors, but that is what she said.) My brother and I have worked our whole lives to do difficult things. No one had to "motivate" us.

From the outside I look like the most motivated person in the world: I work flat out all of the time on my startup which is quite technically challenging and I am at risk of being homeless at any time due to lack of funding. I have been doing this for almost 2 decades.

Other people see me doing this and help me for no pay, such as my very expensive lawyer to whom I pay nothing. I have an entire team of advisors most of whom have a Ph.D. from Berkeley and to whom I pay nothing. In fact they pay me: one of the people who funds me was one of the people at Berkeley who got the internet to work.

That's what being called towards a vision looks like from the outside: "that guy is so motivated I'm going to work for him for free and give him money". But to me, from the inside, it is just that I have a vision that calls to me and that I going toward no matter the circumstances.

You could try just asking your kids what calls to them. What is your daughter making right now? Could you help her crochet it? Have you tried going into the forest with your son and listening to the prayers of trees? I lived in a Zen practice place for 10 weeks once and it was one of the best things I ever did. Listening to trees can be great.

You could also point out how much it costs you to have them living with you and ask if they could contribute to the expense. Like write it down exactly in a spreadsheet so you know exactly how much it is. How much would they have to contribute before you would be ok with them just living there indefinitely?

In ancient times, that's just how people lived, communally, working together. Many people miss that very much (as your daughter said). You have two children and many, such as myself, do not. You could try just being grateful for that.

Are you grateful that they are alive? Have you tried telling them that? What if one of them killed themselves? Would you be sad? You could try telling them that. I have intervened in two suicide attempts and witnessed a third, all of people I knew personally. Have not lost anyone yet, but once you have been through that, you might complain less about people who you love.

My dad was a doctor and once substituted for a doctor on vacation who was local county medical examiner. My dad thought it would be good for my education if I went with him to pick up the (unprepared) dead bodies. I will never forget the first one, a rich guy, laying on the table while his butler puttered around nervously, not knowing what to do now that master was dead, while my dad filled out the death certificate. It took him a while.

I remember seeing blotches of purple and green on his very white face and thinking "wow, dead people are purple and green". I remember how he smelled, very, very sweet, cloyingly sweet. When I got to high school, I was the only student who know what Shakespeare meant by "the sweet smell of death".

Please stop complaining that your children are not what you wanted. If you have to, imagine that you just had to go to the morgue to identify one of their bodies, and now you are alone in your house forever without them. How do you feel? Maybe try telling your kids that feeling. If tears come to your eyes, let them.

Even the question is wrong: people are not missing this magical "motivation" pixie dust. In fact, you yourself pointed out that your daughter was "motivated" and now she is not. Did her bottle of magic pixie dust run out?

No. You are just describing their behavior, not some magical "motivation" stuff that they do not have. Really what you see is that they are not moving towards a goal and a life where they can take care of themselves. You describe that as not having "motivation", but that is just one metal model of many you could use to think about the situation, and likely not the most helpful one.

People act "motivated" when they have a vision of something they want that calls to them. Everyone has something that calls to them. For your daughter it was coding, but now it is wearing dresses. For your son it is listening to the prayers of trees.

A problem is a difference between (1) the way the world is and (2) what a human wants. There are no problems out there in the world; problems only arise when a human starts wanting things.

You have a desire for your children to be other than the way they are. That is all you. They own their lives, not you. It is actually an act of aggression to pretend that you own their lives and that therefore you have the right to be disappointed in them. They own their lives, not you. Your kids do not have a problem; you do.

My mom told me and my brother she would love us no matter what, even if we were garbage collectors. (I happen to have a lot of respect for garbage collectors, but that is what she said.) My brother and I have worked our whole lives to do difficult things. No one had to "motivate" us.

From the outside I look like the most motivated person in the world: I work flat out all of the time on my startup which is quite technically challenging and I am at risk of being homeless at any time due to lack of funding. I have been doing this for almost 2 decades.

Other people see me doing this and help me for no pay, such as my very expensive lawyer to whom I pay nothing. I have an entire team of advisors most of whom have a Ph.D. from Berkeley and to whom I pay nothing. In fact they pay me: one of the people who funds me was one of the people at Berkeley who got the internet to work.

That's what being called towards a vision looks like from the outside: "that guy is so motivated I'm going to work for him for free and give him money". But to me, from the inside, it is just that I have a vision that calls to me and that I going toward no matter the circumstances.

You could try just asking your kids what calls to them. What is your daughter making right now? Could you help her crochet it? Have you tried going into the forest with your son and listening to the prayers of trees? I lived in a Zen practice place for 10 weeks once and it was one of the best things I ever did. Listening to trees can be great.

You could also point out how much it costs you to have them living with you and ask if they could contribute to the expense. Like write it down exactly in a spreadsheet so you know exactly how much it is. How much would they have to contribute before you would be ok with them just living there indefinitely?

In ancient times, that's just how people lived, communally, working together. Many people miss that very much (as your daughter said). You have two children and many, such as myself, do not. You could try just being grateful for that.

Are you grateful that they are alive? Have you tried telling them that? What if one of them killed themselves? Would you be sad? You could try telling them that. I have intervened in 3 suicide attempts. Have not lost anyone yet. Once you have been through that, you might complain less about people who you love.

My dad was a doctor and once substituted for a doctor on vacation who was local county medical examiner. My dad thought it would be good for my education if I went with him to pick up the (unprepared) dead bodies. I will never forget the first one, a rich guy, laying on the table while his butler puttered around nervously, not knowing what to do now that master was dead, while my dad filled out the death certificate. It took him a while.

I remember seeing blotches of purple and green on his very white face and thinking "wow, dead people are purple and green". I remember how he smelled, very, very sweet, cloyingly sweet. When I got to high school, I was the only student who know what Shakespeare meant by "the sweet smell of death".

Please stop complaining that your children are not what you wanted. If you have to, imagine that you just had to go to the morgue to identify one of their bodies, and now you are alone in your house forever without them. How do you feel? Maybe try telling your kids that feeling. If tears come to your eyes, let them.