I don't want to die in DC. But I don't want to live in "this" anymore. I can't take it. I feel like I woke up in a nightmare. I've always been on the outside looking in. People have always misidentified, misdiagnosed, misclassified me. It has always been easier I could never be a "clean" sample so why taint the waters. But if I had fukn known that this is what was going on the hole time. That we were segregating, pushing hate, teaching communism or forcing "white guilt". Striped parents of their powers, shaming boys into dresses & women into watching VIOLENT porn. Promoting silence & cowardice, censoring ideas, gaslighting as a default. That we were being turned against ourselves by ourselves turning our backs to each other normalizing cruel abuses, bulling & pressuring the separation of voice from thought. That we were distracting ourselves from responsibility, bravery, kindness, & sympathy from our very existence. I would not have stayed away so long. Don't get me wrong I accept my part in all this we are where we are because of each of us. But had no idea this was going on this long.

Today at my work a young couple were trying to each lunch & their baby (that is teething) was hysterical. The father was going to go outside to calm him. I have a way with children & honestly I didnt think I just have to go towards the cries. I calmed him & asked if I coud hold him so his father could sit & eat. They said yes. I stayed for a few moments watlkiing in bouncing circles till the baby fell asleep. When I walked back I was told my boss wanted me. When I found him he approached red-faced & smoke coming out of his eyes. "YOU CAN"T PICK UP BABIES" Me completely dumbfounded & snickering said "what do you mean" "WE CANT PICK UP BABIES IN THIS BUSNIESS" he replied "What the fuk r u talking about" I said "I asked permission....oh wait you mean now, because of covid?" "YES BECAUSE OF COVID OF COURS>..." I turned around & said "that fukn baby isnt giving me COVID WTF????"

He yelled "STOP!" "GO TO THE SINK RIGHT NOW I MEAN RIGHTNOW & WASH YOU HANDS ARMS FACE & NECK W/SOAP & WATER & DON"T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" I turned around looked at him did the NAZI salute marched to the sink & said "you can fear monger till ur lil black hearts content but know this not YOU OR ANYONE ELSE for that fukn matter will EVER MAKE ME BELIEVE THAT THIS BIZARRE SHIT makes any sense NOR WILL YOU EVER MAKE ME PRETEND I BELIEVE IT IS TRUTH" wth? fuk me!