I do not need to seek therapy about this either. mainly because I learned about what horrid little shits child, sex abusers are, yes the little fuks who abuse others as young as them.
Most of them were not abused themselves, but they were exposed to the thinking process one way or another.
In an unrelated event, due to my clumsy nature my state board of investigators wanted me tried as an adult as one incident 1-2 years is a sure sign of premeditated intentional sexual contact.
all through my teen years I had to sit in hrs of "Treatment Theraphy" where worked our Theraphy books and onve a week had SO class a few hrs with a licensed Sexual Offender Therapist.
SO was where you had to express to the group of likeminded(sexual deviants) youth that the institutions had hope that theraphy could modify their MO's to more like the common folk and become a benifit to society. instead of cementing into the repeat offender mindset and a drudge of society.
Dont get me wrong, kids as young as 8 are freaky little basterds and know what types of power gives them what types of controll. regardless of gender. ms Hamilton was my Primary Counsler, PC. whom handled the caseworker interaction, set up court date schedules, and verified my treatment schedule was not derailed due to me refusing treatment.
farking lark, cant refuse treatment if _bi is trying to get your therapist to get you to change your sentencing statements. Ms. Hamilton quickly realised I was the real deal and stuck with other youth detailing their sexual exploits on other youth or even blackmailing adults.
I am not trying to say that the child pedophilia is not a problem. I am saying I caught the attention of the wrong side of the law, and a child of the oposit gender went to the school counsler because I wasnt paying attention to them. and they were afraid I was going to be abusive. I chased the oppsite gender away from me since 3rd grade. hence why _bi assumed I was a serial offender.
But for 5+ years of going through the system, meeting new therapist, and their first questions are if I was raped before I was 5, because at age of 5 I wanted to bash my head in and die, which I told my first PC on my 1st day. whoops mood stabilizer pills that did jack all. and two poligraphs and 6 months later I am Released from pysco drugs.
I have had to sit in roughly 18 hrs a week of other youths sex wrong doings and 5 hrs with a therapist rehasing everything I have said since my court hearing. In your formative years where you develope bonds with others, learn about caring for those that have less than you. and having a SO(Sexual Offender) label on you in a juvenile boarding school setting of 25-36 youths and at most 1/3 of them can be SO's. you learn really quick to keep you to yourself.
My human interactions area wreck and almost non existant, I have cognitive disonance where mentally I dont register the emotions my body is going through. what I think is a 3 a trained therapist sees as an 8. my coping mechanism to those that dont know me are confusing amd seem manipulating.
the _bi, not Fbi, (state) bi, only allowed me into juveniel lockup with the intent that if I broke one law, or got into a fight, or anything misdomeanor, f ing youth lockup, to adult penn for life. even a failing grade in required classes was enought to whisk me away.
Thats why I can wait, more than 5 years of waiting, hiding my scarlet letter, NOT befriending other trouble youtth, (family issues, repeat small crimes, SO, or foster youth,) its hard to undo that training when you age out of the system and have no social/job skills.
I can hid my disgust of other peoples sexual misdeeds with minors as I had to wear a poker face as a job. But my mind has no problem disposing of another soul.
I aged out of the system, my story never changed an iota in the past 20+ years, I took college and got my desired degrees, was a ward of the state, have NO childhood friends, have no age froup friends, and when I got out I only associated with adults 20-40 years older than me. Married, and in the foster care system as they were the only ones I could trust based on the foster care stories while instutionalized. My state had the safest foster program that I knew of.
At a young age I was exposed to the horrors a human mind is capable of and I couldnt escape it, if I asked to be exempt from therapy, zipp into lockup for life. or hope to age out of the system without getting in a fight over self defense.
I cannot emotionaly attach to others, I cannot readily communicate with other in my age range. I cannot find a spouse. but at least I am not lockedup for being clumsy.
With Q and Trump velmently hating pedos, I can get behind that. I can wait till its over, abused have a 70-90% chance of abusing others because they know it has power over others, it was a power over them. My mind is fukd because of the training to not get in a situation where I would never walk free again.
In 10 years I had 7 jobs and 3 states. I have been at this job for more than 7 years and no issues. no one knows my history, my record was expounged, my original court judge still has high opinions of me and is proud of my current standing.
Most of the things I have been hearing could of happend to trafficked victims, I have know to be possible for decades. If I can hear in vivid detail from an abusers lips, and see the glint in their eye and recgonise the feeling of satifaction they get from retelling/ or lack of emotion or care when another is telling them how wrong it is. I have had to develope a poker face around those individuals to preserve my freedom as an adult.
These acts on these victims are autrocious, and after years of supression I can still barely hold myself back from going on a raging warpath of death and destruction. Yet my local law enforcment officers, the one that booked me no less, imagin those odds, feel safe with me owning self defense tools(imagination, those that were exposed to unwanted sexual liberties have a few on hand). I am not register as a felon and I have a "clean" history, but certian background cheques will forfeit me from specific occupations.
Some of you are wanting this done now, how can we not arrest the pedo fuckers, ect ect ect. I never had opportunity for instant gratification, released inmates know what happens when your life is structured around authority. when you get out and no authority is over you, you either re-offend, lose control of your life, or heavily structure your own life and develop improper coping mechanism.
I am scared to be around children not related to me, and living as I am, hard to have an alibi for defense. I was scared at my first job because one wrong accusation and locked up for life. scared for college, one grade below c lockup. scared to own a car, yep one fukin ticket.
after my final court hearing, judge complemented me and asked about original charges, I told the disputed charges, and the ones I admitted to in my youth. my therapy records, therapist records behavior records, everything. Judge had a silent conversation with the two yahoo _bi trying to do their job of keeping the community safe. after that I left the state and started job hopping. Never staying for 2 years.
Again, sorry for long post, but its been decades since I relived those memories. not suppressed, just forgotten. Still in contact with adults after I aged from system. They used me as a reference for their foster youth that they can start new, they dont need to return to the problems that caused them to be in foster care to start. although, they did lose one you upon aging out. He couldnt provide his own structure, I did not find out until years later. the last time I saw him was 2 months before he made his choice. I have an old cat they gave me as a kitten. old cat. I can feel my emotions, but they have to hit as 9-10.
I do not need to seek therapy about this either. mainly because I learned about what horrid little shits child, sex abusers are, yes the little fuks who abuse others as young as them. Most of them were not abused themselves, but they were exposed to the thinking process one way or another.
In an unrelated event, due to my clumsy nature my state board of investigators wanted me tried as an adult as one incident 1-2 years is a sure sign of premeditated intentional sexual contact.
all through my teen years I had to sit in hrs of "Treatment Theraphy" where worked our Theraphy books and onve a week had SO class a few hrs with a licensed Sexual Offender Therapist.
SO was where you had to express to the group of likeminded(sexual deviants) youth that the institutions had hope that theraphy could modify their MO's to more like the common folk and become a benifit to society. instead of cementing into the repeat offender mindset and a drudge of society.
Dont get me wrong, kids as young as 8 are freaky little basterds and know what types of power gives them what types of controll. regardless of gender. ms Hamilton was my Primary Counsler, PC. whom handled the caseworker interaction, set up court date schedules, and verified my treatment schedule was not derailed due to me refusing treatment.
farking lark, cant refuse treatment if _bi is trying to get your therapist to get you to change your sentencing statements. Ms. Hamilton quickly realised I was the real deal and stuck with other youth detailing their sexual exploits on other youth or even blackmailing adults.
I am not trying to say that the child pedophilia is not a problem. I am saying I caught the attention of the wrong side of the law, and a child of the oposit gender went to the school counsler because I wasnt paying attention to them. and they were afraid I was going to be abusive. I chased the oppsite gender away from me since 3rd grade. hence why _bi assumed I was a serial offender.
But for 5+ years of going through the system, meeting new therapist, and their first questions are if I was raped before I was 5, because at age of 5 I wanted to bash my head in and die, which I told my first PC on my 1st day. whoops mood stabilizer pills that did jack all. and two poligraphs and 6 months later I am Released from pysco drugs.
I have had to sit in roughly 18 hrs a week of other youths sex wrong doings and 5 hrs with a therapist rehasing everything I have said since my court hearing. In your formative years where you develope bonds with others, learn about caring for those that have less than you. and having a SO(Sexual Offender) label on you in a juvenile boarding school setting of 25-36 youths and at most 1/3 of them can be SO's. you learn really quick to keep you to yourself.
My human interactions area wreck and almost non existant, I have cognitive disonance where mentally I dont register the emotions my body is going through. what I think is a 3 a trained therapist sees as an 8. my coping mechanism to those that dont know me are confusing amd seem manipulating.
the _bi, not Fbi, (state) bi, only allowed me into juveniel lockup with the intent that if I broke one law, or got into a fight, or anything misdomeanor, f ing youth lockup, to adult penn for life. even a failing grade in required classes was enought to whisk me away.
Thats why I can wait, more than 5 years of waiting, hiding my scarlet letter, NOT befriending other trouble youtth, (family issues, repeat small crimes, SO, or foster youth,) its hard to undo that training when you age out of the system and have no social/job skills.
I can hid my disgust of other peoples sexual misdeeds with minors as I had to wear a poker face as a job. But my mind has no problem disposing of another soul.
I aged out of the system, my story never changed an iota in the past 20+ years, I took college and got my desired degrees, was a ward of the state, have NO childhood friends, have no age froup friends, and when I got out I only associated with adults 20-40 years older than me. Married, and in the foster care system as they were the only ones I could trust based on the foster care stories while instutionalized. My state had the safest foster program that I knew of.
At a young age I was exposed to the horrors a human mind is capable of and I couldnt escape it, if I asked to be exempt from therapy, zipp into lockup for life. or hope to age out of the system without getting in a fight over self defense.
I cannot emotionaly attach to others, I cannot readily communicate with other in my age range. I cannot find a spouse. but at least I am not lockedup for being clumsy.
With Q and Trump velmently hating pedos, I can get behind that. I can wait till its over, abused have a 70-90% chance of abusing others because they know it has power over others, it was a power over them. My mind is fukd because of the training to not get in a situation where I would never walk free again.
In 10 years I had 7 jobs and 3 states. I have been at this job for more than 7 years and no issues. no one knows my history, my record was expounged, my original court judge still has high opinions of me and is proud of my current standing.
Most of the things I have been hearing could of happend to trafficked victims, I have know to be possible for decades. If I can hear in vivid detail from an abusers lips, and see the glint in their eye and recgonise the feeling of satifaction they get from retelling/ or lack of emotion or care when another is telling them how wrong it is. I have had to develope a poker face around those individuals to preserve my freedom as an adult.
These acts on these victims are autrocious, and after years of supression I can still barely hold myself back from going on a raging warpath of death and destruction. Yet my local law enforcment officers, the one that booked me no less, imagin those odds, feel safe with me owning self defense tools(imagination, those that were exposed to unwanted sexual liberties have a few on hand). I am not register as a felon and I have a "clean" history, but certian background cheques will forfeit me from specific occupations.
Some of you are wanting this done now, how can we not arrest the pedo fuckers, ect ect ect. I never had opportunity for instant gratification, released inmates know what happens when your life is structured around authority. when you get out and no authority is over you, you either re-offend, lose control of your life, or heavily structure your own life and develop improper coping mechanism.
I am scared to be around children not related to me, and living as I am, hard to have an alibi for defense. I was scared at my first job because one wrong accusation and locked up for life. scared for college, one grade below c lockup. scared to own a car, yep one fukin ticket.
after my final court hearing, judge complemented me and asked about original charges, I told the disputed charges, and the ones I admitted to in my youth. my therapy records, therapist records behavior records, everything. Judge had a silent conversation with the two yahoo _bi trying to do their job of keeping the community safe. after that I left the state and started job hopping. Never staying for 2 years.
Again, sorry for long post, but its been decades since I relived those memories. not suppressed, just forgotten. Still in contact with adults after I aged from system. They used me as a reference for their foster youth that they can start new, they dont need to return to the problems that caused them to be in foster care to start. although, they did lose one you upon aging out. He couldnt provide his own structure, I did not find out until years later. the last time I saw him was 2 months before he made his choice. I have an old cat they gave me as a kitten. old cat. I can feel my emotions, but they have to hit as 9-10.