Is everything part of the plan?
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Time will tell if your heroic opinion of yourself is fantasy or reality.
Time will tell amigo. I know who I am. life has forged my character. Sounds like you have some deep contemplation about yourself and your own surroundings to work out. Best wishes brother. Times they are a changing.
What specifically makes you say that?
Your doubt and pessimistic outlook on the future.
You are confusing pragmatism with pessimism.
When you need to make decisions about where your children will be when you start shooting at police, the reality will dawn on you too.