A lot of people are talking facts, and already talking you down from this state of mind. I don't have to add anything for that sort of effect.

What I will say is, as a not really religious man, but still believes in a god of some kind, know that taking the easy way out won;t reunite you wih those you love, it will just separate you more. If what happens with all the effects of the vaccine happen, you need to live.

If you don't, who will remember the good times with those friends and loved ones. Who will keep their memory alive as you have seen it. It's a big burden to carry, but know that everyone who you have ever lost is with you. NO matter the amount of dumb mistakes you have made in your life, the great moments that brought you to where you are, those memories and their souls are with you forever, watching you take that next step in this game we call life.