You are perfectly describing something called 'survivors guilt'
That guy in a trench who survives an ambush that kills his entire squad around him, all his buddies bleeding out while he is not struck anywhere vital. That survivor of a train derailment who watched their family get mulched but gets up and walks away by virtue of a lucky seating choice. People who chose not to go to work in NYC on a fine september day almost 20 years ago by sheer happenstance.
Granted the deaths and injuries have not happened yet (and they yet may not), but the fuse has been lit on this one.
Theres a lot more I could say and that others will, but the most singular thing I would like to impart is this - the people who killed your loved ones and family want you dead as well. Don't give them this easy victory, but instead live for the moment, whether to consolidate your position and safety of other like-minded survivors, or to enact vengeance. Or both.
You are perfectly describing something called 'survivors guilt'
That guy in a trench who survives an ambush that kills his entire squad around him, all his buddies bleeding out while he is not struck anywhere vital. That survivor of a train derailment who watched their family get mulched but gets up and walks away by virtue of a lucky seating choice. People who chose not to go to work in NYC on a fine september day almost 20 years ago by sheer happenstance.
Granted the deaths and injuries have not happened yet (and they yet may not), but the fuse has been lit on this one.
Theres a lot more I could say and that others will, but the most singular thing I would like to impart is this - the people who killed your loved ones and family want you dead as well. Don't give them this easy victory, but instead live for the moment, whether to consolidate your position and safety of other like-minded survivors, or to enact vengeance. Or both.