Sometimes when I get into a funky corner I play with alternatives. Substitute out the vax factor and ask yourself what you would do if your relatives happened to die in a car accident, or a fire. That would be awful, but would you feel exactly the same way as you do now, or not?
As a practical matter, I might try to work on what else might be making you feel so lost, because that's something to try and remedy in some way right now that will make you feel less unhinged, regardless of what does or doesn't happen to the "vaxxed" people. Use the courage you had in making these revelations to start developing an independent and resilient core: concentrate on some skills you can master that will be useful to others "if times get tough, or even if they don't".
Reading some of the Stoic philosophers or Daoist texts might assist with some perspective. Everyone's death is guaranteed at birth. Neither the past nor the future really belongs to us... Vaxxers may have harmed themselves "in a permanent way" or not, but that is their life. Their lives have always been out of your control.
One Buddhist saying is "no hope; no fear". In the same vein, Seneca wrote:
I find in the writings of our Hecato that the limiting of desires helps also to cure fears: “Cease to hope,” he says, “and you will cease to fear.” “But how,” you will reply, “can things so different go side by side?” In this way, my dear Lucilius: though they do seem at variance, yet they are really united. Just as the same chain fastens the prisoner and the soldier who guards him, so hope and fear, dissimilar as they are, keep step together; fear follows hope.
I am not surprised that they proceed in this way; each alike belongs to a mind that is in suspense, a mind that is fretted by looking forward to the future. But the chief cause of both these ills is that we do not adapt ourselves to the present, but send our thoughts a long way ahead. And so foresight, the noblest blessing of the human race, becomes perverted.
Beasts avoid the dangers which they see, and when they have escaped them are free from care; but we men torment ourselves over that which is to come as well as over that which is past. Many of our blessings bring bane to us; for memory recalls the tortures of fear, while foresight anticipates them. The present alone can make no man wretched.
This is already too long, but one last thing... I cared for my mom for many months before she passed. On that day, I realized that I didn't feel sad, and I tried to parse out why that was. I came to the conclusion that it was because there was no 'unfinished business' between us.. that people may feel sad when someone dies because they no longer have the chance to give or to receive something they want to give or to receive. For selfish reasons, in a way... I started to think about grief as a measure of "lack", and if you work on your relationships now so that they don't "lack" anything.. then you might be taking away some of the reasons to feel sad if someone were to die before you (of which there is always a chance, anyway). Hope that helps.
I went through my "unhinged" period pretty early on in this scenario, and came out of it partially with the help of these philosophies.
Sometimes when I get into a funky corner I play with alternatives. Substitute out the vax factor and ask yourself what you would do if your relatives happened to die in a car accident, or a fire. That would be awful, but would you feel exactly the same way as you do now, or not?
As a practical matter, I might try to work on what else might be making you feel so lost, because that's something to try and remedy in some way right now that will make you feel less unhinged, regardless of what does or doesn't happen to the "vaxxed" people. Use the courage you had in making these revelations to start developing an independent and resilient core: concentrate on some skills you can master that will be useful to others "if times get tough, or even if they don't".
Reading some of the Stoic philosophers or Daoist texts might assist with some perspective. Everyone's death is guaranteed at birth. Neither the past nor the future really belongs to us... Vaxxers may have harmed themselves "in a permanent way" or not, but that is their life. Their lives have always been out of your control.
One Buddhist saying is "no hope; no fear". In the same vein, Seneca wrote: I find in the writings of our Hecato that the limiting of desires helps also to cure fears: “Cease to hope,” he says, “and you will cease to fear.” “But how,” you will reply, “can things so different go side by side?” In this way, my dear Lucilius: though they do seem at variance, yet they are really united. Just as the same chain fastens the prisoner and the soldier who guards him, so hope and fear, dissimilar as they are, keep step together; fear follows hope. I am not surprised that they proceed in this way; each alike belongs to a mind that is in suspense, a mind that is fretted by looking forward to the future. But the chief cause of both these ills is that we do not adapt ourselves to the present, but send our thoughts a long way ahead. And so foresight, the noblest blessing of the human race, becomes perverted. Beasts avoid the dangers which they see, and when they have escaped them are free from care; but we men torment ourselves over that which is to come as well as over that which is past. Many of our blessings bring bane to us; for memory recalls the tortures of fear, while foresight anticipates them. The present alone can make no man wretched.
This is already too long, but one last thing... I cared for my mom for many months before she passed. On that day, I realized that I didn't feel sad, and I tried to parse out why that was. I came to the conclusion that it was because there was no 'unfinished business' between us.. that people may feel sad when someone dies because they no longer have the chance to give or to receive something they want to give or to receive. For selfish reasons, in a way... I started to think about grief as a measure of "lack", and if you work on your relationships now so that they don't "lack" anything.. then you might be taking away some of the reasons to feel sad if someone were to die before you (of which there is always a chance, anyway). Hope that helps.
I went through my "unhinged" period pretty early on in this scenario, and came out of it partially with the help of these philosophies.