I feel like I'm living in crazy world over here. With the exception of some of my immediate family, everyone I know has been bewitched by the covid and vax narrative.

I'll admit, back in the start of 2020 I was shit scared. Seeing images of people collapsed in the street in China etc. I was totally sure it was coming for me. But bit by bit the cracks started appearing and with what we all know now, I feel like I'm totally awake, at least in regards to covid/vax shit.

But it doesn't seem to be... enough? There's literally nothing I can say to my asleep friends and colleagues that they don't immediately jump on me for. E.g.:

• If i say "information about Ivermectin is being suppressed, and actually it looks like it has a lot of potential", they say "it's been debunked and nothing is being suppressed, it just doesn't work!". I can show them link after link but they always say it's from an untrustworthy source or the data is being presented in a biased way.

• If I say "the vaccinated people carry just as many viral particles as the unvaccinated according to the CDC", they just say "NO THEY DON'T", and again, links showing it are poo-pooed as being untrustworthy or misrepresented.

• I told a colleague today that lockdowns and restrictions that are based on vax percentage are silly because even vaxxed people get sick and can spread it around, and I was told that 1. it's not true (vaxxed people don't get as sick), 2. there's no viable alternative and 3. that doing it is "prudent public policy".

• My own father told me "Get yourself and your kids vaxxed, I don't want my grandchildren dying from it. Even 38 year olds like yourself are dying from a mild delta covid." (He didn't seem to grasp the fact that he said "dying of a mild covid")

And of course you can't tell them to look anything up themselves because you know as soon as they type something into google (which they'll use, of course), they're bombarded with a billion "fact check" articles.

I'm trying to be brave and trying to be resilient but I feel like there's nothing I can say that they can't just dismiss by saying it's not from trustworthy sources. And then whenever I mention any new stuff they scoff and think I'm a nut job. I'm starting to think "Am I just persisting with the anti-covid-vax narrative because I'm addicted to being David fighting Goliath? Do I just love being the underdog, or just being contrarian? Is that just my identity now? Maybe they're all correct and I'm just trying to make a personality out of being the opposite...". It's getting to the point of intrusive thoughts...

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end of this rant. I'm just tired of trying to wake up the people I care about only to be scoffed at and told I'm the reason people around the world are dying, and that I shouldn't be allowed to work/go out etc. How can I stop feeling so demoralised and let down by the world these days?