One of the casualties of the last election cycle was a near forty year friendship that blew up rather spectacularly a few months before November. Insults were given (I held my temper and only received), and when I tried to resolve it a few months later, I was rebuffed.
At some point, I began the mourning process, but underneath the grief was also ANGER. I had told myself that when tempers cooled, we could work things through.
It’s now been almost a year. I’ve written several emails that I never sent, and finally tonight picked up the phone.
I very politely explained our friendship hadn’t ended over politics, but over the insults. I was asked why I had waited to bring this up all of these months later, and I pointed out I had tried to resolve it with a “we need to talk” email that had been responded to once with “not now” and never brought up again.
My friend tried to focus on political concerns. I returned the conversation to the insults and attacks on my character. My friend said he didn’t want to talk anymore, and I ended the conversation with “and that is why we aren’t friends anymore” as I hung up the phone.
I feel so much better. It’s like a weight has been lifted. Having someone attack my character in order to minimize my credibility is not what friends do, and while I believe in the value of forgiveness, I don’t need to subject myself to that level of abuse.
Loyalty is important; attacking my integrity is not the actions of a loyal friend.
Cutting the ties that bind should not have been that simple. I wonder why I waited so long to do it?
No one can control how you feel. And if you are in total control of your feelings, would you not make it a pleasant experience for yourself?
side note A funny lesson I learned: Recognition and accomplishments, unlike money, doesn't keep friends well. In fact quite the opposite.
I had lunch with a friend 2 weeks ago. They took the vax, I had a lot to say, but thought what good will it do? I'll just enjoy their company, and I did. If your friend accepted the fact you presented would it have changed anything?
Also consider Trump. He is the leader of our nation, and he did what is best for all, even those that slander him. He's a literal genius billionaire and look what they do to him daily for five years. Yet look at his accomplishments.
I'm sorry to say, but I think you should reconsider your pride in light of what Trump went through, what your fellow compatriots goes through. We are in it together.
Is the pride in yourself, your accomplishments and handwork, your knowledge and integrity, dependent on others' perception? or is it a static, immovable mountain?
I learned something from a good friend regarding other people whom i thought were friends. And that is a quote.
Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours burn any brighter.
And from this quote i learned that people that wereworking to downplay my accomplishments were not real friends, they just thought their accomplishments would appear better.