Ever since I woke up, the system disinterests me. I haven’t worked in 3 years, (I want to!!! But I can’t find anything interesting enough to slave myself away for.) I’m barely interested in finishing my schooling or going to college. (I’m not a high schooler.) What are some ways I can get interested in life again? Because it is tearing me and my partner apart. He says I am too interested in fringe conspiracies and haven’t been focusing on helping them or myself. It is so hard to just go back to sleep and focus on life anymore. What I’ve found out during the pandemic has sickened me and honestly? It has ruined life in every single way. It is so hard to focus on what I need to do in this life when all we are in this life is slaves to the system. All I want in this life is be happy with my partner, go to work and just live my life.. but our way of life has changed forever. It is so hard to cope. It is so hard to get through this. I have anxiety, depression and BPD. The pandemic has made all of it worse. I can only hope we will come out victorious against our enemies. (Deep State/Illuminati/Luciferian Baby Blood Drinkers or whatever you want to call them.) This is literally BIBLICAL. I feel like I’ve had a spiritual awakening or that God is calling on me to be a warrior of Christ because I see the number 17 every day in everything I do. Anyone else? How do people cope with this madness? I feel like waking up has ruined my life. I can’t simply ignore the knowledge I’ve gained during the pandemic. I used to scoff at Hillary being a pedophile, Pizzagate and all of that. But now I can’t go back to sleep, I can’t just ignore all of the lies, deceit, how much they hate humanity, if the vaccine agenda will kill us all, my loved ones, my family. In another life, I’d want to take down the Illuminati. Or die trying. This world is sick. I want to know the truth and the full truth. Are there aliens? Are there demons? Are there angels? Is God real? Is he shining his light on all of us so we can use the light against the forces of darkness? Will Jesus ever come back? Are we Light Bringers? I have so many burning questions.
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I absolutely understand that. And sometimes? Yeah.. but I am trying to find my way again after being lost in the dark. No more making excuses not to. Before pandemic I lost my grandma and quit my hostess job, I became a shell of myself, my skin got bad, scarred and I gained weight. I thought of it as God trying to push me over to finally do something about my life but it only made me more upset with myself and made me feel insecure. Lately, I have been finding passion in selling stuff on eBay, flipping stuff is what my dad does on the side and I want to be like him. He has a lifetime of retirement stored in the garage, things of value. I want to be like that one day. Be able to retire on valuables alone. I love animals so I might take that advice to volunteer at animal shelters. Honestly ever since I’ve been so miserable with myself and life I have been very mean to ones I love and then end up regretting it. I have done massive amounts of hurt and damage especially to my loved ones and it still surprises me they still love me as is. Is it human nature to be toxic sometimes? Is it because I’m mentally ill? I love my loved ones with all my heart and I want to be as good as I can in this life but when I’m toxic I feel all of the negativity of the universe come and bite my ass. Also, I will try to reply to everyone who has commented, thank you guys so much.