I feel you fren. I was the same way, 20 years old though, and in a totally fucked up part of my life. I almost joined up some years after but didn’t. I digress, I felt the same as you though and tbh, it was great feeling the insane patriotism and comrade tie we had afterwards. BUT, once everything settled and like now, once you start digging without blinders on, you can never look at things the same way again. It really is like Cypher says in The Matrix, adapted to what we’ve been experiencing for some time now: “All I see is NPCs and psyops.” I’m glad I escaped that ignorant bliss though, as painful and tiresome as it is being out of The Matrix. And I will never go back.