Hey friends,
I've read many posts here on this topic, so looking to this community for advice. I think many of our familial, friend, and romantic relationships are being tested currently, and I'm looking for help on how to navigate my own.
My girlfriend (who I've seen as a future wife) and I have been together a while and are generally on the same page with all this chaos, she is totally against what is going on. However, recently both our jobs became a bit stricter in regards to their vaccine protocol. She told me today if her work ends up mandating it she will cave and get it even though she doesn't want to. I've told her she has free choice and while I disagree I would never tell her she can't do it.
With that said, I see this as a pretty giant red flag for anyone carrying this mindset. Me personally, if I don't want something in my body it is not going in under any circumstances regardless of who's asking (family, employer, etc.). If someone is willing to cave to their employer with this kind of pressure, what else will they cave to in life? How many other external influences will dictate their decisions?
She's a great girl and I love her dearly, but this whole situation has me questioning and reevaluating everything, including those I'm considering spending my life with. As much as I "trust the plan", things may not get better anytime soon and I want people by my side with backbones of steel.
Any advice from the community on this? Anyone else going through something similar? Looking to keep this as an open discussion, all feedback is appreciated.
So we had a conversation. I want to be clear, this girl is one of the coolest ones I’ve met, extremely down to earth, and someone I could spend my life with.
With that said, she seems extremely unnerved by this entire situation and is genuinely scared. I can’t fault her for that, being faced with losing your job is a scary prospect. However, the principle here is that if you don’t want something, you don’t get it. No matter who is asking, coercing, or forcing. That is a belief I hold and want my partner to hold.
She thought I was being too harsh and said we’re supposed to support each other through anything. I think I unfortunately may have gotten the answer I was looking for.
This fucking sucks, for the record.
Thank you for letting me know the outcome, and congratulations to both of you for being able to have a conversation about a very difficult subject.
There are actually only two emotions: Love and fear. All the other emotional words we use are just variations on a theme. Rage, anxiety, anger, jealousy, hate, envy, etc., are all manifestations of fear. Joy, happy, bliss, compassion, harmony, contentment, passion (including for the things we thoroughly enjoy doing), etc., are all manifestations of love.
It is very difficult, if not impossible, for one who operates mostly from the love emotions and a positive outlook to engage in a close relationship with someone who operates from fear because fear causes one to make irrational choices, which become drama and conflict in the relationship. This is what you've just experienced.
She sounds like a wonderful girl in many ways. The love of my life is a wonderful man in many ways, but he operates from fear (a lot of emotional triggers) and I operate from love, and the incessant drama and conflict were an emotional roller coaster, which I cannot abide. Unfortunately, loving someone and being compatible do not necessarily go hand-in-hand.
I also think you have your answer and I congratulate you on knowing what's important to you and holding to that in spite of the current heartbreak because accommodating someone who can't be the kind of partner you want will only lead to more heartbreak in the long run.
You seem much more capable of trusting yourself and being true to yourself than I was in my mid-20s, and I admire you for that.