Until last summer I felt very similar to you. However, I'm not a Pastor. I suggest if you really want to understand Grace you talk to one. All I can do is give you my testimony and what happened to me. It's a bit long so bare with me.

As an unbeliever but believer in Trump I sought to understand the entire Q thing and put it into perspective. After the inauguration nothing made sense to me. I could see the Q posts and everything but nothing lined up or made sense. So what I did was research. I followed anyone and everyone I could on social media to try to put all of these pieces together.

After several months of research I just couldn't see the big picture. I did notice one thing, however. Nearly everyone I followed or trusted on our side was a believer in God and Jesus Christ. Normally I would just ignore anything to do with religion. To me, it was a moral thing, just like you said. We shared morals but not the belief. However, in frustration of not being able to see or understand what was going on I took a leap of faith. I prayed to God to be able to see.

Amazingly enough I saw. Unbelievably I was able to put the pieces together and I honestly to God saw what was happening. Now, my initial reaction was it was just a coincidence. I've been racking my brain over this for months. It was probably just my mind finally putting it together. So, I decided to test this prayer thing. What did I have to lose?

So I prayed to be delivered from food addition. I had a horrible carb addiction and thought that was as good a thing as any to pray over. I sincerely prayed and after that just forgot about it thinking nothing would happen. Normally every day for breakfast I'll have something high in carbs. I just do it automatically when going through the fridge. The next day I awoke, logged in (I was working from home at the time) and started working. It was 2 hours before I realized I hadn't eaten anything. I just wasn't hungry. It made no sense. By the time I did eat I had no desire for any sugar or bread. To this day, I still don't. Miracle number 2?

So a couple of days have passed. It's summer, and I've been spending a lot of time in the garage. My mind is racing. Were my prayers answered? Was this all just a coincidence? I'm sitting in my Garage, going through some social media posts on my phone. I just so happened to come across a Christian encouraging people to perform the sinner's prayer.

"Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior."

Now, I'm sitting in my Garage alone. I haven't been to a church in over 20 years. I'm reading this, and I decided what do I have to lose. I honestly and with all of my heart I said the prayer. What happened next I consider a miracle and the defining moment in my life.

I was completely and totally filled with an overwhelming feeling of love. This feeling was so strong I sat there in my chair and wept. I knew, to the very fiber of my being, that God was love, and he had always been with me. I just knew. And I knew that I wasn't worthy. I knew that I had committed horrible sins in my life. And I knew that I didn't deserve this love. I just cried.

I was also immediately changed as a person. I had no explanation at the time. But I was changed. Am I still a sinner? Yes. But the difference now is I strive not to sin. It came to me that all Christianity is really, is the belief in Jesus Christ and the desire to do better. That's it. Believe and strive to be a better person. Where once I didn't care at all about sin now I honestly didn't want to. My personality just changed.

This is my honest to God testimony. All I can do is tell you the truth. This happened back in July and to this day I pray and read the bible every single day.