REPORTED BY SHITPOST INTERNATIONAL NEWS NETWORK--Scientists, who originally thought that the tsunami was triggered by a volcanic eruption near Tonga, have studied satellite data and found that this was not true. Oceanographers have pinned down the source to Stacey Abrams visiting the California coast and standing on a pier. That pier collapsed under her weight, sending a huge tidal wave throughout the Pacific Ocean, including the rest of the U.S. west coast, many islands, and Japan.

Marine biologists also report that, at the same time, they picked up whale communications indicating that a whale group thought that one of their community was stranded near the coast.

An anti-climate change activist group is reconsidering their plans, based on the incredible and unpredictable impact that Stacey Abrams, possibly the only human visible from space, has on the environment. The activist group was planning to launch Ms. Abrams into orbit to partially block the sun and lower the earth's temperature. Their plans has already been delayed, however, because they had trouble finding rockets with enough thrust to send her into orbit. As one activist said, "Launching a space station into orbit is one thing. Stacey Abrams is quite another."