First, I want to say that I really hate the word grooming, as the word doesn't convey all it's about.

I saw a post around here a bit ago, that talked about the "grooming" going on in VRchat.

Young kids encouraged to sexualize themselves constantly, even performing for older men on request.

It's not a new phenomenon and one the post inspired me to talk about something I’ve wanted to for awhile.

I’m not sure I have the best words to articulate it, but damn if I’m not going to try my best.

(This post kind of got out of hand, jumps around quite a bit, and is very long. The points jump around, and I might not always be the most clear, but I hope it gets across what I'm trying to say,

That grooming, sex addiction, and men blaming women,(and women blaming men) have lead us down a dark path.)

 

A little backstory about me though.

I was raised in a large family with a fear mongering mother. She was heavily religious, and instead of teaching the love of god, she taught the fear of God, and that he was always watching you, and would punish you if you even thought about a sin.

This led to a lot of inner turmoil with my religion that I only gained a better relationship with, in my early 20s (I’m 27 now.)

Because of our homelife and our mother taking our her depression and anger on the children daily, many of us retreated to the solace of early 2000s internet.

 

I’m not even sure where to start.

It’s a meme nowadays, the Runescape character “Looking for GF, will pay gold”

But every game I went to when I was younger, even Disney’s own Virtual Magic Kingdom game, had people looking for a GF or BF.

Habbo Hotel, Wonderland Online, Puzzle Pirates, Neopets.

All were free to play, and in every single game, I found men who wanted “girls” and when they found them, they immediately jumped into the “so what do you look like? How big are your breasts?”

“Have you ever sex talked?”

Every female avatar at some point was harassed on whether they were a “real girl” or not, and if you were, you were treated differently.

 

I remember being 15 and only playing with female avatars in one of my games, because it seemed like actual girls playing them for the most part.

But once I found a guy who didn’t talk about his gender while in the group, but while we were alone, opened up about how he was “a guy playing a girl," cause he "wants to look at something pretty all day”

Being nice I didn’t immediately cut contact with him,(as we had talked all that day while questing) but as we talked more, I learned he was in his 20s, his sister had recently met and married someone she met online, and he really wanted that too.

He talked about how nice I was, and how they had same sex saunas in his country, and how he would love to get to know me more in one of those saunas, because in his country “Saunas is just where you go to socialize.”

Hell, he talked about how I “didn’t even have to wear a towel” if I didn’t want to, because it was actually normal for them to just spread out naked in the sauna in his country.

This man later admitted that when he first got to know me, he just “knew” he wanted to marry me, and fly me to his country and “make me his own”.

but at that age, I was honestly was more bamboozled that this man was so open with a girl he only knew for a few days (and pretended he was a girl with), to the point he was already talking about wanting to marry me.

 

Every time I played Habbo Hotel, I saw people who were willing to trade items and gold, just for girls to “dirty talk” them.

I walked in on people sex talking, numerous times, finding creative ways to get around the child censor.

Yes, there were guys who played female avatars, but there were also a lot of real girls too. Online games were like giant dress up games and doll houses, of course girls were drawn to them.

 

I tried to stick to girl friends as I grew up, as I was in a bit of an abusive relationship with a british guy for most of my teenaged years.

He was paranoid that I was going to find someone better than him, and would warn me about if I had any guy friends, so I always tried to vet people to see if they were really girls.

And wouldn’t you know, there were a lot of girls out there, and lot of them struggled with the same things I did.

Men who as soon as they saw you were a female avatar, immediately asking what you looked like, if you were willing to sext, conversations that always turned to flirting and wanting to bang immediately.

IMVU was a cesspit of custom sex animations, and people only using it in order to try and get laid.

 

I was desperately looking for friends. I was homeschooled, and had no social interaction. I played these games because I wanted people to talk to, and with my boyfriend and family both being very controlling and harassing, it was the only escapism I had.

I remember one of my friends messaging me. She had the same issue, she was lonely and looking for friends, and people would message her claiming to want to know her, but as soon as she sent a picture of herself, and they found she wasn’t the most attractive, they would cut contact with her.. Unless she wanted to take off her top.

(Or the boy who carved her name into his arm, because she made him "unhappy", nothing traumatizes a girl worse than someone self harming in your name. Specially if they self harm as well)

We simply lamented that people sucked everywhere.

 

Its kind of funny when I stopped getting harassed so much though.

Being tired of immaturity and people wanting to sext in every game, I started specifically joining older groups of players, and passing myself off as “over 18”.

As soon as I started doing that, I stopped getting so many random people, messaging me about sex, and wanting to sext.

 

Everything we have today, from the million genders, the trans nonsense going out the window, people saying they are trans animal, and race, and disability,

Every single one of those talking points was on Tumblr a decade ago.

Except back then they were contained and simply laughed at.

But a lot of those Tumblr users?

They were the same women who had dealt with the same harassment from men as I had all those years, but instead, it had morphed many of them into twisted man-hating, yet sex addicted, purple haired liberals, who threw away what made them feminine because of how they were treated.

Many complained of what I talked about, many complained about falling for men, who then manipulated them, talking about doing terrible things if they didn't start sending scandalous pictures of themselves.

People who they thought they trusted, sharing those pictures with other people.

And they turned around, untrusting of men, and throwing away what makes them women, in order to not face or deal with their trauma.

A lot of those women, just want a man to dominate them, and make them theirs's.

They want the loving home life that they see in the old pictures, they want a man to make a family with them, but they are so broken from their experiences, and others around them constantly affirming that “Yes, it’s all men who are like this”, that they reject everything that would get them that, and make them happy.

And yes I know this, because all growing up, I would read these people’s Tumblr (or other site’s) fanfictions of their current obsessions.

People who were abused, would write fanfictions about their media character of the week, swooping in to save their OC who was beautiful, and falling in love with them, and starting a family. (or having men “forcibly” making the OC theirs.)

All while the author would claim they were a million genders, and asexual, and didn’t want anything to do with cis men or traditional gender roles.

 

All of this pain and sex addiction, has carried over into the next generation.

Guys are still horny as ever. Still asking women at every turn for nudes, still telling women their worth is what they look like.

Still dropping into their DMs the moment they find out they are a woman.

 

I get into a lot of arguments whenever men say that it’s all women’s fault that this is going on.

I argue that, if men weren’t so sex obsessed, weren’t so obsessed with having a girlfriend, that they would date anyone with any view, as long as she banged them, we wouldn’t have this.

(A quick point that I meant to touch on during this rant but didn’t and briefly mentioned it here. I see sooooooooooo many men, who talk about being conservative, yet they have a partner with completely different views from them. Women too honestly.

If men stopped dating liberal women (or terrible women in general) and supporting them, they wouldn't have so many women who think they could get or "deserve" a man, no matter their views or how they look)

I argue that women want to please men, that they grow up, doing what they think will make them attractive to men, and I get scoffed at.

Yet all growing up, I surrounded myself with young girls, who all talked about wanting a boyfriend, wanting a family. They were desperate to do anything to get a boyfriend who was like all the stories they were reading and creating around them.

They all wanted that, and the men around them said that in order to get that, you had to whore yourself out.

 

Yes, they didn’t “have” to. I know that. But girls are young and impressionable, you see what happens when girls chat with their favorite youtubers.

How they turn into fangirls willing to do anything to make them happy.

Guys with charisma, who make them feel all bubbly inside, who compliment them,

Who then more and more, start pressuring them to make them “happy” by taking naughty pictures, or sex talking them.

“You don’t want to make me upset, you don’t want me to stop talking to you, do you?”

For a young girl, those words can be terrifying, especially if you are starting to really like the guy.

And especially when the mental manipulation starts playing up, and they start talking about self harming, or even killing themselves, if this young girl doesn't do what they say.

That can be incredibly scary for a girl, even if to an adult, it's obvious they are just manipulating the girl and don't really mean it.

I had a boyfriend pull the same stuff on me, and when I finally stood up to him, he overdosed on his insulin, and left me a long note.

That stuck with me for a long time, even though he didn't die and was hospitalized. I was 14.

 

This is what leads both sexes down the path of sex addiction.

It leads both genders down the path of, you can get what you want, through sex and manipulation.

You ask yourself, why aren't women modest? When you have men encouraging them, to sexualize themselves at every turn.

You have men and women, who are both encouraging young girls to join OnlyFans as soon as they turn 18.

Some of these girls have Twitter countdown timers, until they turn 18, and they have hoards of followers.

You have youtubers asking to see girls butt holes, saying they masturbate to their fans, telling them they want an over sexualized GF.

Who is telling these girls, this isn't the path to live??

no one.

Instead, we are blaming women for falling for the psychological pressure, of everyone around them.

Especially, since many of these women are growing up in broken families, already emotionally vulnerable to the first manipulative "dominant" man.

 

Because of this, I know there there are many women, who are growing up with warped perspectives.

It's what leads to the arguments of "Every woman is whore, every woman just wants the chad with the biggest dick. Every woman just wants the guy with the most women. Women will leave you after 10 years if they find a shiny new thing"

And there isn't much I can do about this, other than don't settle for something that isn't perfect for you. Don't chase after women who don't want a home life like you do.

I know plenty of women who want the conservative, stay at home waifu life, but they think men all want women who are wage slaves, that whore themselves out.

 

This leads me into a bit of an argument that I have with "conservative" men.

The fact that they will find women who they deem as liberal or whores, or otherwise "unfit" to date long term, but they will still mess around and fuck them.

“A key that can open any lock is useful, while a lock that opens for any key is useless”

I've had countless men argue with me, as to why it's okay for them to fuck repeatedly, but not women.

That they need "experience" or that they're okay banging someone on the first date, but that just means she's not "wife" material.

Why is it "husband" material, to bang a liberal on the first date?

Because those women think differently, it's okay to turn them into toys to be passed around, as "experience"?

Why is it okay for a man to be a whore? No one should be sleeping with anyone on the first date.

Yet so many men try to reason why they should be allowed to.

 

I know there are people out there who disagree with me. I know people are going to argue that people should know or should be taught better, but

We are all humans, and we have moments of weakness.

I know there are a lot of bad women out there, gold diggers and people who would hurt you to get what you want.

But there is also a lot of bad men out there, willing to manipulate and dominate women, and use them how they see fit. I see it even with many of those who claim to be on "our side"

And it sows distrust on both sides, when we constantly say both genders are their extremes, and refuse to see that it's just another divisive tactic, constantly pushing the worst of both our genders to the front, and saying this is how everyone acts, instead of trying to find out why supposedly everyone acts this way.

And it's something we can fight, if we actually follow our own teachings, and pass it on to our children.

 

I know this post is all over the place, so if you read all this, I appreciate it.

It’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, and maybe make a video on? But it isn’t something I’ve articulated to many people.

As I’ve lamented, many people don’t share my views. Many people tell me that women somehow have all the power, and it’s unchecked women causing all this chaos.

I know women are a big part of it, but to say men are completely blameless is a disservice too.

How did women get this bad, if men didn’t allow them too?