You've already won the battle by realizing that she did that to you and it is in no way your fault that you couldn't express masculinity. Now, it's time to heal by killing that inner hurt child and flourishing as a child of God. Listen to the holy spirit and you can be guided to be who you were always meant to be. That experience will also help to shape you into who you were always meant to be. Use the experience to grow and become the strongest that you've ever been.