Ok so I’ve just been reading your posts and your pain is so raw. I know this is a Q board but when one of us suffers, we all suffer. It is gut wrenching.

I’m a veteran and one thing that happened to many of my fellow vets is that they came out of service with an addiction. Or developed one while transitioning. I know sooo many people. The one thing I’ve learned from trying to help is that they need to hit rock bottom and actually want help. It sounds cliche but it’s true. So look at that. Another important thing is the whole concept of tough love.

Tough love.... you’re not doing that. I can see you’re enabling your son. Every little thing to every big thing is enabling him to get more drugs. Apartment on your property? That’s enabling. Yeah, you don’t want him sleeping on the street but the amazing thing is, most people who use illegal drugs or even alcohol to excess are incredibly adept at getting what they want. They’re very resourceful. How do they manage to get illegal drugs? As easily as he gets them, he can find a couch to surf on or a shelter. He will manage if you say- “under no circumstances will you live here during active addiction. None.” And drug test him and follow through kicking him out if he fails. Because it puts you, any other family and your property in danger. Sometimes mortal danger. So, he needs to leave if he’s using. Sounds horrible, right? Something could happen to him!

But the flip side is... there are two certainties with using things such as heroin or meth or whatever- death.. or imprisonment. Those are the only options for him if he keeps using. So, does cutting him off from his cozy apartment seem that unreasonable? What you’re doing is enabling him. He needs 20$ for food? No he doesn’t. It’s a lie. He wants to drive your car? He is driving to score more drugs or hang out with others getting high. I’ve seen it so many times. Most things coming out of his mouth are lies. You need to accept that. It isn't to hurt you, it’s not about you. His number one goal is to get more drugs. I try to help my brothers, man and one thing I’ve learned is that they don’t want real help in those situations. They’re using you and they’ll keep using you until they can’t use you anymore. They’ll bargain, make promises and never follow through. How many times have you heard “I’ll pay you back, I swear.” It’s a lie. Don’t trust he isn’t going through your belongings and stealing from you. He probably has. Don’t trust him with your car. If he crashes and you’ve insured it- guess whose rates are going up? Secure your firearms. I’ve seen family members killed over drugs. People who loved their kids literally to death.

You are not helping him by helping him remain in limbo. He’s tried this, he’s tried that... it will go on until you’re demolished. HE, and only He has to want to get help and commit to it. Yes, you love him dearly. Yes you can’t stand to see him in pain and all that. But yes, he will destroy you because in active addiction, drugs are more important to him than you.

I remember one person saying “if love could cure me, I would have been cured a long time ago.” But it can’t.

One thing you can do is look up all the substance abuse services near you. And the homeless shelters. Write them down and ask him where he wants to be dropped off. Look up Narcotics Anonymous for him and Nar-Anon for you. Nar-anon is for family and loved ones of addicted people. An incredible org. and something you may gain a great deal of insight and support from. I’ve spoken at some of their meetings and I remember one lady who was struggling hard with the same situation as you and she got to the point where she kicked him out and he literally was living under a bridge. She’d bring him food. Warm stuff. He seemed perfectly content to live under a bridge until one day he decided to stop getting high and get help. Millions and millions of unfortunate stories like yours though and each one is equally as heartbreaking. But, on the other hand- it is entirely possible your kid will get help and get on the road to recovery when he’s ready. But this limbo, this crisis after crisis, this agony and sleepless night after sleepless night will keep going on as long as YOU LET IT.

You’re blinded by your love and devotion to him. Tough love is the very best thing you can do right now.

Editing to add (because this isn’t long enough) when you say, in all caps that he will be ANGRY about the car... tells me you’re afraid of him. That he flips out when he doesn’t get his way. Why should you have to live this way? At the very least, look up Nar-anon online and get help for yourself. Don’t hesitate to call law enforcement if you’re worried about your safety. They see this all the time.