This ties right in to awakening and realizing that the “women’s liberation” movement in more recent times has merely been a psyop, meant to separate children from their mothers’ influence and presence. Women from the Boomer generation right on down to Gen Z have been told since childhood “get your education, start a career, get married, be a mother. You can do it all and have it all.”
I am the 30-something grown child of a Boomer woman with said education and busy career, and no, you cannot fucking do it all and have it all. My entire life has been impacted by that lie, and the resulting necessity for two incomes to even think of staying above water.
As a result of never seeing my mother for entire days sometimes during my childhood and teen years (not her fault at all, life is expensive and she & my dad did what they had to do for us kids), I have rebelled SO hard against that notion—and caught an incredible amount of flack for it from FAMILY of all people.
I had the grades, the test scores, the accolades and awards, athletic prowess, EVERYTHING…and then as I grew older and went off to college, I inexplicably fell apart academically. I had no drive. I didn’t care. I flailed about from major to major, considering the military even. It took many years to realize just how profoundly I had been affected by my mother’s absence, and that excelling in college and having a career meant my own future kids would suffer that same fate.
I have never been unloved, neglected, hungry, or abused. Other than missing my mom all the time, I had a magically fun and safe childhood, running wild with cousins and friends before technology chained us to couches and beds.
I am living proof of just how important having mom (or dad!) around all the time is. I’ve been impacted for a lifetime by my childhood, even though it was filled with love and all my needs & wants met. And I have chosen to sacrifice the big house, fancy cars, and constant vacations so many of my peers strive for to simply BE THERE for the little one growing inside of me. Thankfully my husband is fully on board, and makes plenty to offset my smaller secondary income.
Whether they’re working from home or staying home, one parent should be with the kids and available to them at all times. Because I am not bringing life into this world just to hand him or her to strangers so I can “have it all”. That lie has pulled mothers away from their children for three generations now, and it ends HERE.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Female, in my forties, no kids, worked my ass off for years (as in periods of 75-120+ hours a week, multiple post-grad degrees) and for what? Prior to Covid I did have good hobbies / friends but still… Likewise I was brought up totally indoctrinated into thinking I had to go to college, get a career, then maybe get married & have kids. High IQ, high performer, lots of other talents.
But EQ? Parents always fought (& finally split, as did other aunts uncles in my late teens/twenties so no great examples there) so our emotional needs… i ended up a high performing people-pleaser which means getting worked into the dirt in competitive careers or jobs unless you cop on. Who wants to date a woman always working, or doing exams, or the next degree?
Best way to try to have it all is find a good match in college/20s, have the family early, then in your forties if you want to run a business or go back to college do it then, when your kids are late teens early twenties.
But career structures these days are not only still designed for men with full time wives, I’d argue that performance expectations are even higher than they they were 30-40 years ago, with worse pay & job security.
The system is fucked and destroys the family and the woman. I'm waking up to this. I'd argue to say a lot of women (because they are more agreeable) opt in for the harder/stressful jobs. This fucks us up even more. We're fucked unless shit changes :(
You need to find a partner (husband) who is willing to support his family. Your job is to streeeeetch that dollar with your domestic skills and raise the kids. And yes, keep him happy. His job is to keep you happy. When you love someone, you want to do what makes both of you happy. choose well :).
You’re dead on with your points I just have to rant about something real quick. One of my pet peeves is referring to a spouse or fiancé as partner. I mean yes technically husband and wife each contribute 100% as a partnership, but the pick haired degenerate lunatics sullied this term for me. Every time I hear one’s significant other referred to as partner, I always think “what the fuck are yall 1860s bank robbers or something?” Saddle up pardner we gots us a train to catch!
Sorry to take away from your excellent point of a husband’s role, and the importance of a wife’s role as household director/COO, just had to get that one out there
when i say partner, that's exactly what I mean.
in retrospect, I'm glad we never married.
:)