I am a single father of two sons who live with me. I love them and try to provide the best for them in life.
We are Christian and all that and attend church when we can; altho they go with their mom on weekends.
Lately i have become incredibly depressed by everything going on. I was mostly unaffected by Covid, I have prepped a large stash of stuff just in case, and for the most part my life isnt too objectively bad.
Dating has been hard and i am beginning to despair of ever finding a partner in this area and with the morass of online dating sites being the suckholes that they are.
Ironically being depressed and trying to date isnt the best combo so im just spiraling down on the regular.
I have prayed to God to send me someone who he intends for me, but thus far no luck.
I feel like theres nothing left for me in life. Nothing i want or need. I am hanging in there for my sons and my parents but you can only live for someone else for so long, and i feel my time is growing short.
Any advice to cheer me up? At 43 i have too far left to walk to do it alone but feel as though ive walked too far already to make finding someone a possibility.
And with all the vaxxing im not keen on meeting someone whos going to randomly sudden death on me, so im there at the viewing saying "im just thankful for the 6 great months we had together."
Ive lived and worked with pain and i just dont want any more, and God knows what ive been through...
Trust me when I say, after two or more disastrous relationships come to an end you will come to the conclusion that God is enough. You need more crazy in your life right now like you need a bag on your hip.
The grass is no greener with a partner than without one. Maybe try to analyze the real reason you feel the need to crawl back into the womb psychologically. If you say companionship, you are lying to yourself and need to dig deeper.
If you are just depressed and lonely then a healthy relationship is not even possible for you at this time. Get active, change your focus and count your blessings.
I have been where you are now, it is no fun but it does get better.
Honestly I keep digging on it and more than companionship would be just help with things. But I will keep thinking on it. Feel more like I'm trying to crawl OUT OF the womb and get myself where I want to be rather than back in. The divorce put me back in Gotham City, as it were, where I grew up - and as Alfred said, "I never wanted you to come back to Gotham."
You hit something on the head there, good for you.
Trying to climb out rather than get back in, so to speak.
So imagine being with the mother of your kids for 18 years, she cheats on you and it's over. Now you have 2 kids in your custody and you have to do it all yourself. Not only make the money to pay the bills but try to be there for your kids at the same time, then do the dishes, wash the clothes make sure they are off to school and get baby sitters, etc.
The wise man realizes that he jumped from Mom doing it all for him Straight into his girlfriend being a surrogate into to his wife doing it all for him and he never took the time to grow up and do it all for himself.
Then he still doesn't get it and new relationships he gets into cost him his kids. Then he tries one more time but with the same results , lost kids and a broken heart, still no help.
Finally he grows up and realizes he can do it all and always could.
I just suggest you do not need another mother to wipe your ass, be strong and take over now and avoid the heartbreak and potential loss of your kids. Change your focus from being on you and your feelings to service to others as most important and you'll be better for it.
When your ready, a relationship may just fall into your lap when you weren't looking for it. But you are not remotely ready for something healthy at this point.
Thanks. I am always trying to be kind and help others. It's the only thing that feels real. Hell, I'm dehydrating some fruit right now for my ex wife and the house smells amazing. I don't have to do it but I have forgiven her. I pray for her every night too that she finds Jesus and whatever she is missing, because from what I hear there are problems she's having still that are very similar to ones we had. There was not nearly enough introspection on her part before jumping into the next thing. I've at least had 3 years to think about stuff.
I just want to use my Red Lobster reward points before they expire, and talk about something other than Minecraft while I do it LOL