I'm born a catholic and raised through catholic school, though I only went to church when I had to as a student and later on in years for weddings and funerals. In fact, I despise the catholic church more and more as time passes (we all know why). But there is something about what is going on that makes me feel that I need to reconcile with God. Not as a catholic, but as a person who truly believes God is why we are what we are. Why we are here, at this point in time. Sadly, I'm starting to believe that religions segregate us and keep us away from the real relationship that we should have with God. I know in my heart of hearts that if I drop to my knees, the answer will be there. At the same time, I'm scared to learn just how far away I've drifted from the truth! We all deserve a relationship with our true creator, and HE deserves the same. I'm ready to establish, re-establish, and even exhaust my effort to do so. I hope many of you are ready to do the same! We deserve it! HE deserves it!
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After having been through a similar process, I can pretty much guarantee you are being harder on yourself than God or Jesus will be.
I would go a long time between 'chats' so to speak, and every time I would apologise and be genuinely contrite, but I eventually realised that Jesus gets bored the same as anyone else does and I didn't need to keep apologising.
Now however, even though I still don't 'log in' for a direct chat very often, I think about him every day and the love he has for us all, and I say the Lord's prayer most days too.
If anyone understands what is truly in your heart, it's Jesus. Have faith that he is better at this stuff than the rest of us put together :)
Stop saying the Lord's prayer. One time is enough, you are correct, He gets bored too. Tell Him how your day was, ask him for wisdom and guidance, ask Him to reveal something you've wondered about. It's personal relationship.
I don't say it as a matter of rote, I feel something different every time - there's always a new emphasis or element of context it draws out of me and my understanding, but I take your point :)