Complex PTSD ...cant find original study that slapped me awake about this.

"Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization beginning in childhood, rather than, or as well as, in adulthood. These early injuries interrupt the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.[7][13] This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life, described as insecure attachment. This symptom is neither included in the diagnosis of dissociative disorder nor in that of PTSD in the current DSM-5 (2013). Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization.[14]

Six clusters of symptoms have been suggested for diagnosis of C-PTSD:[15][16]

• Alterations in regulation of affect and impulses

• Alterations in attention or consciousness

• Alterations in self-perception

• Alterations in relations with others

• Somatization...I HAVE NONE OF MY CHRONIC PAINS ANYMORE!

[  ] Alterations in systems of meaning[16]

Experiences in these areas may include:[4]: 199–122 [17]

• Changes in emotional regulation, including experiences such as persistent dysphoria, chronic suicidal preoccupation, self-injury, explosive or extremely inhibited anger (may alternate), and compulsive or extremely inhibited sexuality (may alternate). ** almost all, not compulsive sex, yes anger...perpetual swollen knuckles..trees, brick walls, etc. Pain elicitors. Stoopid, I know. Physical pain overrides mental pain but for a moment. Still an onchophage...nail bitter. I know, gross.

• Variations in consciousness, such as amnesia or improved recall for traumatic events, episodes of dissociation, depersonalization/derealization, and reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation). almost all

• Changes in self-perception, such as a sense of helplessness or paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt and self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings (may include a sense of specialness, utter aloneness, a belief that no other person can understand, or a feeling of nonhuman identity). Definitely this

• Varied changes in perception of the perpetrators, such as a preoccupation with the relationship with a perpetrator (including a preoccupation with revenge), an unrealistic attribution of total power to a perpetrator (though the individual's assessment may be more realistic than the clinician's), idealization or paradoxical gratitude, a sense of a special or supernatural relationship with a perpetrator, and acceptance of a perpetrator's belief system or rationalizations. NOT THIS!

• Alterations in relations with others, such as isolation and withdrawal, disruption in intimate relationships, a repeated search for a rescuer (may alternate with isolation and withdrawal), persistent distrust, and repeated failures of self-protection. Yep

• Changes in systems of meaning, such as a loss of sustaining faith and a sense of hopelessness and despair. last part

☆ I did almost EVERYTHING listed or have experienced regularly for 20 years. Manifested at 40. (No depersonalization/derealization, no putting abuser on a pedestal)

Most have improved significantly in 2-3 months?. Still cant do time...it could be yesterday or 6 months ago.

cPTSD starts because few, if any,  defense mechanisms have been formed in the child. Trust is the number 1 thing to a child. Trust was shattered.

As trauma(s) persist, the defense mechanisms become skewed; the natural maturation of the base emotions of security,  trust, reliance and survival are stifled.

One tends to self-isolate,  either physically or by zoning out, turning a deaf ear, feigning some way out of a perceived negative situation. .

Mine was exiting 100% ,with prolonged anger/hurt/etc, and   covered up in bed for 4-5 days. Not healthy. Abnormally holding on to anger and other neg affects for too long...forgot the term. Have done it ONCE since. AND IT WAS 100% UNSATISFYING AND I FELT FOOLISH. Praise God!

"I feel better than I have in DECADES. No chronic pain (chronic dysphoria) Little/less anxiety No more beluga whale forehead wrapped in barbed wire! No "paralysis of intention"...no couch-lock. (5 mg methylphenidate is perfect...lasts almost 8 hours) No isolating. At all. Agoraphobia receding I can look at myself in mirror w/out being repulsed again. For YEARS. Hypervigilance...I need to study on fixing that. Most ingrained neg affect."

There ya go, fren.