"U.S.—Education experts are warning about the detrimental effects of homeschooling, as it may cause children to miss out on their opportunity to be gay communists.

"The two essential roles of public education are to turn kids into communists, and then make them gay," said AFL-CIO President Randi Weingarten. "If education fails to accomplish both of those things in the life of a child, it has failed miserably."

Studies show that while homeschooled kids may excel in advanced mathematics, literature, history, Latin, debate, civics, religion, music, art, theoretical physics, and physical fitness, most kids educated by their parents fall woefully short in essential subjects like Communism and being gay.

"We need common-sense regulation of homeschooling to ensure our nation's kids are sufficiently perverted by gender theory and fully ready for the violent overthrow of the Republic to usher in a glorious communist utopia," said Weingarten. "No child should be left behind."

Lawmakers are discussing programs to send drag queens to the homes of homeschoolers but insisted they will have to repeal the 2nd Amendment and take away all the guns first."