The song's a little slow, but I dig the dark feel. Kinda grungy. I'd say to make the "where we go one we go all" part into a chorus or a hook where you can really pull out the stops, speed it up a bit, and bring it back down for the next verse. Think the chorus of Jeremy by Pearl Jam or even Would by Alice in Chains.
If it was me I would tease the catch phrase until the end or near the end.
I would have lots of "go all" and "Where we go"
some "we go one" -- this gives a lot of rhyming opportunities.
Tease it as long as you can --- then BAM hit it with the refrain WWG1WGA
THEN you do a key/chord change and hammer it again.
Don't overdo WWG1WGA --- make the listener beg for it. Put your best rift behind it.
Make it the orgasm of the song.
Write 2 different melodies and force fit them together.
Only one life --- we have to live
Give it all that we can
We re-fuse the fear and darkness
Will not bend our minds away
FOR EXAMPLE (using your words) Little bits of silence can create a great impact.
Where we go
Raising each other
Grasping hands --- through the dark-ness
It's time to shine, turn a light on -- always darkest before the dawn
The song's a little slow, but I dig the dark feel. Kinda grungy. I'd say to make the "where we go one we go all" part into a chorus or a hook where you can really pull out the stops, speed it up a bit, and bring it back down for the next verse. Think the chorus of Jeremy by Pearl Jam or even Would by Alice in Chains.
Overall, I dig it. Keep up the good work.
I think you are on to something! Thanks!
More cowbell.