I am far from perfect as many are. Over the past year or two I have been trying to find religion. However, I've noticed Ive been trying to find a religion that justifies my poor decisions or hateful/disgusting outlook on life. Telling myself, there's no way pedophiles should be able to walk among us, and into the woodchipper I should throw them. People who harm children or others violently should die at my hands or another vengeful persons hands. I always looked to tell homosexuals and trans that they are disgusting, sick, and wrong. Ive berated liberals, democrats, and Republicans, with bias to conservatives. I've noticed that I constantly feel like I have a moral high ground as I shout, don't kill babies, fags shouldn't exist and someone should tell them, fuck joe biden, fuck this fuck that. To be honest it felt great, Its almost like I was using others as a stepping stool to get up on my high horse. Our whole existence is very short lived on this floating ball ripping through space. Yet I spend it angry at the the Bill Gates and Soros's of the world. In my head demanding punishment for their actions. It's hard to not want harm on them for what they do to the world, but I don't know what should happen to them. These thoughts boil all the way down to my own trauma throughout my personal experiences in my home life. I want to change but don't even know where to begin, I don't truly know right or wrong even when it seems evident. I hope the higher power that be help me discover a path forward. For eternal suffering sounds far beyond miserable, and I would love to see my deceased relatives again.
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Just a thought: Before you find religion, I would find God. Read your scriptures. Study the Bible or other scriptures. Build up your testimony/faith in our Savior. That may help with those dark foreboding feelings.
For me, I have faith, knowing that we are in end times, we are experiencing prophecy in real time.
My favorite scriptures that “Every knee shall bow,.. every tongue confess …that Jesus is Lord!” (paraphrasing…Lol)
I derive comfort from knowing that even those who are evil, with evil agendas/intent, will eventually bow and acknowledge Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.
It’s not that I want revenge on them. They will have enough contempt for themselves on this day.
It will be one of those —Lord, have mercy on their souls moments.
This is good, thank you for your input. I am trying to read KJV it's daunting and hard for me to understand. One of those things I tend to push away, after rereading numerous passages. I will keep trying.
No need to read KJV. Just pick one that’s easier to read. You’re not going to have such a dramatically different experience or interpretation until you actually get into exegesis (pulling deeper meaning out of the scriptures).