Why
Why was that damn bottle So much more important than me
You’d leave me all alone Then be drunk when you got home Those ends would never meet
I was your little girl and you’d fill my head so constant With your dreams
But then the ones that I had were worth nothing you made it it seem
You said were weren’t like all the others You said we weren’t that kind Didn’t go to college weren’t that smart we just made ends meet
Ya know, I got my dreams from you Though you’d never follow through Yeah, you practiced what you’d preach
And now that you’re all gone Where it was just a skippin stone Yeah sometimes I still feel lost
Somewhere was a chance I never had To find somewhat of a real dad You weren’t that bad
And down deep I knew you loved me But it was in between Tween drunk and sober
When there was still some in the bottle You were not mean
You were still my loving Daddy you still loved and cared for me When that demon go awhile and let me see your smile Would let you be
Then you drank down your last bottle You tried to break free But you did not succeed Yeah, you never could get clean
Now I miss you that your gone and I know you went home but I’ll be happy when I see you cause I know that in the end you chose my Lord and Saviour Christ my King
jWinters
As a long-time (34 years) member of AA, I see and hear these stories all the time. Being an alcoholic is less a choice than a craving, a need that has to get filled, and the alcohol is a symptom of other character defects. Until I got sober and worked on my character defects, I was not a very useful or good human being.
I am sorry you had that childhood, but I had it too with my own alcoholic father, and his morphine addicted mother. But we got through it somehow, I made it out of my addictions, and for the past 34 years have been a productive member of society.
I don't think the world at large fully understands the amount of damage drugs and alcohol do to society. I'm glad you made it.
Me too friend, me too.
I have a few more about my dad’s drinking that I wroye, but I have to dig through six journals of poems, prayers, incessant ramblings and Bible studies to find them. I like to write. Had to keep everything bottles up as a kid to survive though somehow my mom and I had alot if screaming matches.
My husband struggles and I am out of energy for it tbh. 18 months of sobriety. They were the best months of our marriage. I miss him. We are still married, but I am often elsewhere and attempting to emotionally detach. I just can't take another lie or sucker punch.
Again, I know what you mean. I've heard, "To love an addict is to run out of tears."
Meetings, meetings, meetings. If he can go to meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps, make some new friends, and allow a spiritual awakening to happen in his life, he could make it. If THIS alcoholic could do it (it was really bad), anyone can, but he has to want to.
I was a militant agnostic when I first entered AA, but over time I came to realize that a loving God had been looking over me all of my life and I came to acknowledge that power in my life. Believe me when I say, I have seen miracles in the rooms of AA.
Meetings don't cost a thing, unless he wants to chip in a dollar to support costs of a meeting.... rent, coffee, literature, etc., but even that is not required. When I came in I couldn't afford a spare dollar, but that changed over time as I became a citizen again and found some wonderful jobs.
A sad truth about AA.... it's not for people who need it, it's for people who WANT it.
I don't know where you are -- big city or a rural area-- but if you Google "AA meetings in my area" there are probably quite a few. We don't advertise, not in the conventional sense of the word, but we are easy to find.
At the end of every meeting I go to, we always have a moment of silence for the suffering alcoholics still out there who haven't found our rooms yet, followed by the Serenity Prayer or the Lord's Prayer. So we have actually prayed for your husband without knowing his name.
And for you, you might want to look into Al-Anon. It is a support group for spouses and children of alcoholics, and it is devoted to getting YOU well and reclaiming YOUR life again.
Got bless you both. At my next meeting, I will pray especially for the two of you.
Thank you so much. Especially for the prayers.