Lately I've fallen in what feels like a rut of life. I feel numb to all that life has to offer me. I've spent a year with a very taxing new baby who I love and adore but has been my hardest baby yet and my third. Now into toddlerhood, still very much more difficult then my other two children before I feel there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Still I'm just numb. Nothing that I used to be passionate about brings me much anything. From gardening to farming, to writing, to starting new projects etc. I used to leap at the chance to do any of these. Now I can't seem to start anything. I'm plagued with fatigue and mental tiredness. I've done it all to try to alleviate the issue, great diet, plenty of vitamin, lots of sun, long walks, light exercise 4x a week. I'm no longer in darkness but not in the light either. I'm an avid Bible reader/studier but even here, I feel I've lost my spark. Like I've lost my first love. I'm just reading out of duty, praying out of duty, going to church out of duty. Which is so different from a year or two ago. Now to the point. Any recommendations for a personal Bible study, (preferably tangible like a book) about finding the love for God again, I'm not mad at God or faltering in my faith, mentally I rock solid believe in his grace and salvation but . But currently emotionally I feel a whole lot of nothing about everything. I'd like like to think it's better than the darkness but honestly I'm not too sure it is...
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Try keto/intermittent fasting and detox. If there is something physical happening, that's a good start at physical healing.
Feelings are like nerves for your soul. Hot, cold, wet, sharp, angry, sad, depressed, joyful- these are innate gifts that God gave us to modulate our relationships with the world and with each other as spiritual beings with a physical existence.
Depression is not a disease. And acting to love out of duty and commitment is perfectly reasonable way to spend time. But just acting and reading and serving and going through the motions is not fulfilling.
Love is the answer, the only answer.
My family is very connected to many missionary organizations, and we work to support people all over the world doing all kinds of ministries- and we have discovered this: "Lovers make the best workers". You can be talented at languages or skilled at building or medicine or teaching, but if you are JUST a talented worker serving, you'll burn out in a couple years. The lifelong missionaries who never get burned out are not the ones who necessarily have great skills, but rather the ones who just do whatever they can to help out of love.
Find your "spark" in love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
Due to a genetic liver condition I can't fast and keto has proven to hard on my system. I am however going to be changing my diet to Whole Foods and looking to purposeful meals in regulating hormones and helping liver detox. I will take your advice to do all things with love at the forefront, it is very sound advice and something that gets lost and put to the side when life becomes routine
You also may have some postpartum nutritional deficiencies- it takes a LOT to create three children out of your own body, and it is VERY likely that you are very low on any number of vitamins or minerals.
Some big ones- you need animal fats with vitamins D,E,A,K. B Vitamins are very easy to become deficient in and lethargy and dry skin are the first warning signs- nutritional yeast is a very easy way to catch up quickly. Folate is a big one, and is particularly depleted in pregnancy- also iodine and selenium (particularly useful for iodine uptake- and best found in Brazil nuts- like 2 per day is good) are significantly depleted during pregnancy as your hormones go on overdrive.
Your physical symptoms could just be an underfed thyroid- it is wildly common amongst postpartum women these days. Your thyroid converts iodine into thyroid hormones and in the first trimester goes on overdrive to create a new thyroid for your child. If you are craving salty foods, it's very likely you are iodine deficient- you can do a simple iodine absorption skin test to check whether you need more. Make sure you are using iodized sea salt, eat tons of eggs, wild caught ocean fish, and chicken, and if you need more, you can take it topically with zero overdose potential- it soaks into your skin overnight if you need more and absorbs very slowly and keeps your skin yellow for a couple days if you have enough- just test with a 2"x2" patch on your leg or arm.
Most women in their 30s and 40s have thyroid issues because of long-term toxic exposure to bromine through brominated flour/vegetable oil, fluoride from water/teflon/toothpaste/medications (it is in SO MANY medications), and chlorine from water sanitation- these all compete with iodine as they are all in the halide group of the periodic table with a charge of -1, and they are extremely reactive and we are exposed to way too much of it. Birth control is devastating to the thyroid as well.
How many drops of lugols on the 2 by 2 patch?
Just paint the area with a q-tip or a cotton swab until it is saturated yellow and not runny. The size also might be 3x3, I was pulling it from memory and it's been a couple years.
Ty