Lately I've fallen in what feels like a rut of life. I feel numb to all that life has to offer me. I've spent a year with a very taxing new baby who I love and adore but has been my hardest baby yet and my third. Now into toddlerhood, still very much more difficult then my other two children before I feel there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Still I'm just numb. Nothing that I used to be passionate about brings me much anything. From gardening to farming, to writing, to starting new projects etc. I used to leap at the chance to do any of these. Now I can't seem to start anything. I'm plagued with fatigue and mental tiredness. I've done it all to try to alleviate the issue, great diet, plenty of vitamin, lots of sun, long walks, light exercise 4x a week. I'm no longer in darkness but not in the light either. I'm an avid Bible reader/studier but even here, I feel I've lost my spark. Like I've lost my first love. I'm just reading out of duty, praying out of duty, going to church out of duty. Which is so different from a year or two ago. Now to the point. Any recommendations for a personal Bible study, (preferably tangible like a book) about finding the love for God again, I'm not mad at God or faltering in my faith, mentally I rock solid believe in his grace and salvation but . But currently emotionally I feel a whole lot of nothing about everything. I'd like like to think it's better than the darkness but honestly I'm not too sure it is...
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I am unvaxxed. I've never tested any of my illnesses on whether they were covid or not but I've had my fair share of illnesses on the past 3 years. I take magnesium glycinate, Berberine, and calcium d glucarate , for sleep, insulin regulation, and liver detox. I've taken ivermectin a few times with my illnesses as they came up. I've done a paraguard cleanse , I've done an oil of oregano cleanse. I've been on enzymes and probiotics. I have studied ALOT, of information on supplements, minerals, food to take to help and have done all of them and consistently. I'm for sure not one to go to the doctor for a prescription. I think the amount of knowledge, discipline and work I've put into it is part of the overall frustration. We are as a family going on vacation in a weeks time and I'm hoping some time in Gods nature (the beach) could be the reset my body and mind and spirit is looking for.